Saturday, September 30, 2006

Filmmaking is Not About the Tiny Details. It's About the Big Picture.

It struck me the other day that I haven't seen a movie in months that I actually liked. Whether I find one tiny detail to pick apart, or the whole thing is just plain bad, I just seem to keep watching films that make me roll my eyes. Where have all the good films gone..... And where are all the Gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

OK, I'm channeling Bonnie Tyler now. That can't be good...

At any rate, because I wanted to watch a GOOD movie, and I didn't want to risk wasting my time on something that may or may not be up to snuff, last night I dug through my large collection of video tapes and brought forth Ed Wood.

No, not an Ed Wood film; the 1994 Tim Burton masterpiece ABOUT Ed Wood. If you don't know, Edward D. Wood jr., was a film director who had his heyday in the 1950s with such beautiful, endearing, horribly acted, written and directed gems as Bride of the Monster, Glen or Glenda, and of course, Plan 9 From Outer Space( I'm half-tempted to tell anyone who DOESN'T know who Ed Wood is, to leave this blog and never return. But that would be rude.)

The film mainly concerns the meeting and friendship of Wood (Johnny Depp) and Bela Lugosi (Martin Landau), and also covers the making of the 3 movies mentioned above. Why do I love this movie so? Here we go:

  • Johnny Depp. I have never had a crush on Johnny Depp, not even when I was a teenager. I'm probably the only heterosexual woman on the face of the earth that hasn't (my own mother has a thing for him), and while I can certainly see his physical appeal, he just doesn't make me all....Tingly. However, the man can ACT, and yes, I had to capitialize the word "act". In Ed Wood, Johnny makes you root for Ed-you actually want him to succeed in making movies that arguably have no value (I would argue that they DO, but that's just me). Johnny's Ed believes in the films he's making, and he comes off as naive in some respects. It's refreshing. Plus, he wears womens' clothing, and takes his teeth out-twice. Good stuff.
  • Martin Landau. Landau portrays Lugosi at the end of his career, long after Dracula. In EW, Lugosi is somewhat of a bitter old man, who carries quite a bit of hate towards his old costar, Boris Karloff (In reality, they were friends, and Karloff is rumored to have paid a good chunk of Lugosi's medical bills. There: your nifty trivia tidbit of the day). He pines for his former film glory, and hooks up with our boy Ed, in hopes of recapturing it. With the make-up, Landau actually LOOKS like Lugosi, and he has the accent down perfectly. His irascible old coot-ness (best description I could come up with. Sorry) is hilarious, and his resign at being washed-up, and his morphine addiction, will break your heart.
  • The supporting cast. I spent a lot of time on Depp and Landau, so I'm only going to give brief shout-outs to the others: Lisa Marie as Vampira. Bill Murray as Bunny Breckinridge. George 'The Animal' Steele as Tor Johnson. Jeffrey Jones as Criswell (even though JJ is rumored to be an afficianado of kiddie porn, I have to give him credit for this role; give him his "Props", so to speak). Juliet Landau as Loretta King (Martin's real-life daughter, but she'll always be Drusilla to me). Vincent D'Onofrio as Orson Welles (in other news, I totally ♥ Vincent D'Onofrio). Oh yeah, Sarah Jessica Parker and Patricia Arquette were also in this movie: they can kiss my ass.

This post is getting kinda long, so I'll try to wrap it up now. What it comes down to, is this movie takes a notorious misfit, and fashions him into a sort of hero. It takes something forever associated with bad movies, and shapes it into a great movie (at least, I think so, and since this is my blog, that's all that matters here). I started this post, bitching about how I haven't seen a movie in awhile that didn't suck, and I ended up posting about a good movie, that was about someone who made horrible movies. That seems rather interconnected, don't you think? I feel kinda like Robert Altman, a blogging, long-winded, rambling Robert Altman. Hell, take away the blogging, and I AM Robert Altman.

PS-Just because I wanna, here are the theatrical trailer of Ed Wood, and what I'd say is my favorite scene from the movie. Enjoy, and if you haven't seen Ed Wood, go rent it.

"No, She's Got Neck Juice!"

I don't know about you, but I'm in the mood for some sleazy cheese. The movie I'm posting today is a bad movie, REALLY bad, but it's just bad enough that it actually bypasses bad, and ends up being good. It's high art, really.

Unlike last week, where I tricked certain folks into thinking I was posting the Rocky Horror Picture Show (Insert evil laugh here), the post title this week IS related to the movie somewhat. You won't hear that line in THIS version, but it's all related. I actually wish Google had that version, because I'd like to post it with this one. But they don't, so I can't, and so I won't.


Friday, September 29, 2006

Buy Me That

I want this house. I would actually live there, too, I just wouldn't take A Bath there.

'Nightmare On Elm Street' House For Sale
One, two Freddy’s coming for you, three, four, better lock your door ... especially if you're planning to move into the house featured in Nightmare on Elm Street. As it turns out the famed four bedroom, three and half bath home actually sits at 1428 Genesee Ave. in Los Angeles. The colonial style single-family property is on the market for just over $1 million. The listing boasts a pool, backyard and even a basement for Freddy.

Celebrity Week

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Soundgarden-"Fell on Black Days"

In case you weren't able to glean it from my super-uplifting song choice, I'm in a bit of a crappy mood. No real reason for it, but I'm just feeling a tad melancholy, and to top it off, I've-somehow-hurt my back, and so I've got stanky Icy/Hot fumes wafting off of my person, and that isn't helping any. Hopefully by tomorrow, this will pass and I'll feel like posting something besides a song. Until then.....

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Dark and Lovely

I haven't posted anything list related in a while, and I'm starting to get ants in the pants because of it. This is a list of 10 great dark comedies, from MSNBC of all places. Notice it's not the "10 Greatest Dark Comedies"; just "Great" dark comedies. I will forgive them their wishy-washy list stance, however, because I love all of these movies. Except for one. The first person to guess which one I hated wins a cookie....Okay, so it's a picture of a cookie. It's the thought that counts.

10. Serial Mom (1994)

9. Raising Arizona (1987)

8. M*A*S*H (1970)

7. Swimming with Sharks (1994)

6. Withnail & I (1987)

5. Harold and Maude (1971)

4. Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

3. Bad Santa (2003)

2. Heathers (1989)

1. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Double Feature Picture Show

I hit a bit of an impasse while looking for a film to post today. Allow me to explain.

I had every intention of presenting some obscure piece of dreck. I was in the mood for it, and some of the more discerning (persnickety) readers (not naming any names, but it rhymes with Ghandi) of this blog want something they don't already own.

In the middle of looking for celluloid garbage, I remembered seeing a certain film from Google posted on another site. I. Love. This. Movie. I had forgotten about it being on Google, because it's not listed among the public domain films, probably because to the best of my knowledge, it isn't IN the public domain. So, I could be breaking some kind of copyright laws by posting it, but I WANT IT ON MY BLOG. What is it? Here's a hint: "Kla-", no, that's too easy. Just watch it. (If you need another hint, all I will say is that it's a great movie, and I had it on that list of "50 movies to see before you die" I posted a couple of weeks ago. So if you haven't seen it, you should watch it in case you kick off in the next few days-you never know.)

But........Since I'm a woman of the people, I'm going to post a SECOND film, one that would seem to fit the very definition of "Garbage". Your second feature is called "Sex Madness". I have not seen this movie before, but read this:

This is a typical sex exploitation film from the early 1930s - complete with wild parties, sex out of wedlock, lesbianism, etc. A chorus girl's exposure to the "casting couch" also exposes her to syphilis.

You should also know that this was made by the same people who brought us Reefer Madness. Like I said, I haven't watched it yet, but according to my math: Lesbianism + Syphilis + The Geniuses Behind The Best Movie Ever Made= Solid Gold Entertainment.

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Breeders-"Do You Love Me Now?"

Too Much Joy

Before now, I wasn't a fan of Rob Zombie, but after reading this, it has become apparent that he is an angel from heaven, sent down to bring cheer and goodwill to all of mankind. Just look at him-How did I not pick up on that?

Turner Classic Movies is taking a walk on the wild side as it welcomes auteur filmmaker and legendary rocker Rob Zombie as the host of the network's newest weekly movie showcase, TCM UNDERGROUND. The late-night franchise, which will feature off-the-wall movies chosen and introduced by Zombie, is set to launch in October.

Blah, blah, blah: the article goes on for a little while. You can read all of it Here. What I'm frothing at the mouth over, is this schedule. Is this not the greatest line-up of anything that you've ever seen in the history of ever?:

Friday, October 13 2:00 AM Plan 9 from Outer Space (’59)
3:30 AM Bride of the Monster (’55)
Friday, October 20 2:00 AM Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (’65)
3:30 AM Mudhoney (’65)
Friday, October 27 2:00 AM Night of the Living Dead (’68)
3:45 AM The Crazies (’73)
Friday, November 3 2:00 AM Sisters (’73)
Friday, November 10 2:00 AM Electra Glide in Blue (’73)
Friday, November 17 2:00 AM Freaks (’32)
3:15 AM Mark of the Vampire (’35)
Friday, November 24 2:00 AM The Sadist (’63)
3:45 AM Wild Guitar (’62)
Friday, December 1 2:00 AM The Conqueror Worm (’68)
Friday, December 8 2:00 AM The Honeymoon Killers (’70)
Friday, December 15 2:00 AM Deranged (’74)
Friday, December 22 2:00 AM West of Zanzibar (’28)
3:45 AM Unholy Three (’25)
Friday, December 29 2:00 AM Madhouse (’74)
3:45 AM The Last Man on Earth (’64)

Thursday, September 21, 2006

"Forever and Ever and Ever"

Today is Stephen King's birthday. I've had a long-running relationship with Mr. King, going back even before I was born. My mom got really into his books whilst pregnant with me, which may explain quite a few things. I started reading him when I was about 12-no Sweet Valley High for me, no sir.

My first Stephen King book was The Shining. God, what a spell that book had me under. It scared me to death, and I couldn't get enough of it. Some of his books have been hit-or-miss, I will admit, but The Shining, The Stand, and I have a soft spot for IT-I could read these over and over, and I do.

Since I don't feel like pasting passages of a novel onto a blog (plus there's that whole thing about it being illegal or something), I'm posting this uber-creepy clip from the film version of the Shining. And in other news, how much do I love Stanley Kubrick? This, A Clockwork Orange, Dr. Strangelove, 2001, Full Metal Jacket-I could weep just typing the titles. Expect a majorly longwinded post when his birthday comes around, I don't care if he IS dead.

Patti Smith-"Because the Night"

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Skinny Pale People=Not Scary

As you may have gathered by my last review and the addition of several horror related links over to the right (my very favorite being Final Girl -Check it out if you have not done so), I have renewed my love affair with scary movies. Perhaps this is some kind of subconscious preparation for Halloween, because as far as I'm concerned, October is the most wonderful time of the year-I spit on December.

So, what did I watch last night?

It looks like a normal, everyday house, but the atmosphere about it is anything but. Something happened here once... no, even now there is a terror here, born of a spirit that possesses this place. The various supernatural experiences undergone by the different owners of the house, unaware of the horrible events that have taken place here, mingle across time, and the true form of the terrifying, invisible "Ju-On" that nests in this house becomes clear...

That's right, kids, I viewed the 2003 Japanese extravaganza, Ju-On. I will admit, that I'm not too familiar with the Japanese horror genre, but from everything I've heard, they're supposed to be fairly scary. If this movie is any indication, I've either A) Been misinformed, or B) Become jaded.

Why did I not find it scary? For one thing, I laughed through damn near the entire thing. Case in point: The sister of the husband of the first couple (don't ask me any names-I haven't a clue), gets stalked by the Ju-on ghost in her office building (at least I THINK that's where she was), then, after she gets to her apartment, she does a few utterly asinine things:

1. Her brother calls her from outside her building. Now, WE know that it's not her brother, but even if she's not aware that it's some skinny, crunchy woman in a dirty nightgown, considering how her brother was acting earlier, she should still be a little leery. Especially when he has forgotten what number apt. is hers. She buzzes him in.

2. The phone makes a weird, otherworldly noise, so she chucks it out into the hallway.

3. Finally, the fear becomes too much for her, and in a fit of stark, raving terror, she......Hides under the covers on her bed. She hid....Under...The fucking.....Sheets. I haven't done that since I was 5. As far as I'm concerned, she deserved everything she got after that pathetic display.

The whole movie was like that to varying degrees. I just-- is it me? Have I seen so many ghosts, zombies, masked psychos and crazed, transexual camp counselers that I've become numb to any attempt at horror? Am I losing my childlike sense of wonder and fear? Or was Ju-on just not scary? I need answers, people!

Pizzicato Five-"Twiggy, Twiggy"

I'm too tired to actually come up with anything original to post right now. I may get my Siskel on and review a movie later, but I'm too tired to do it now. While you wait for my brilliance to return (or idiocy-it's just semantics, really), you can enjoy the bouncy music of Pizzicato Five.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Cat Stevens-"Wild World"

From the "Seemingly odd choice of song to post" file, comes this gem from The Artist Formerly Known as Cat Stevens. This is probably the most out-there song I will ever post, but I've always liked this song, and I had this uncontrolable urge to hear it this morning, so, deal with it.

Monday, September 18, 2006

How is it That I've Never Seen This Clip Before?

Vehemently Undecided

My recent bout of insomnia continues, and last night I employed a new tactic in my fight to sleep again: watching a grisly horror movie, namely, the remake of The Hills Have Eyes.

I never saw the 1977 original, which I'm actually glad of, because knowing me, I would have sat there for almost 2 hours comparing both films with each other-I do that every time I watch a remake. As it was, the entire thing left me kind of....Empty, although, the film is presented in such a way, that most people who watch it are going to have one of two reactions: Disgust or glee.

The basic plot: A new take on Wes Craven's 1977 film of the same name, "The Hills Have Eyes" is the story of a family road trip that goes terrifyingly awry when the travelers become stranded in a government atomic zone. Miles from nowhere, the Carters soon realize the seemingly uninhabited wasteland is actually the breeding ground of a blood-thirsty mutant family...and they are the prey.

First of all, for whatever reason, there was a clip of This in the opening credits. Considering the LAST place I saw that, I feared it was a portent of things to come, and I fixated on it for the first 15 minutes. Also, later, I became convinced that I recognized Lizard the Mutant from somewhere, and spent about an hour trying to figure out where the hell I knew him from.

The movie itself? There's long stretches where practically nothing happens, mainly the first thirty minutes where we get to know the family. They're actually likable people (minus one), which is refreshing, because normally when I watch a horror movie, the people are so loathesome, they can't get picked off fast enough as far as I'm concerned. When the mutants finally do descend on the Carters, it's so fast and brutal (I coulda done without the rape and molestation of the 2 sisters, I'm just saying), I had almost forgotten until that point that it was a horror movie.

There seems to be some sort of message in the film, other than the obvious, "Atomic bombs are bad", but I can't exactly qualify what it's supposed to be. For example: Liberal Doug is anti-gun and a seeming pacifist, until his family is destroyed and his baby daughter is kidnapped by mutant cannibals. I'm sorry, what does that mean? Is this about how beliefs are transient, and that all men are inherently animalistic and capable of anything? Is that it? Feh.

Did I like it? Did I hate it? I really can't say, but I'll remember it for a good, long while, that's for sure.

(BTW: Lizard the Mutant=The Dude That Played Madonna's Boyfriend in Desperately Seeking Susan. I knew I remembered him from somewhere, I just KNEW it.)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Jamie Bueller's Day Off

Remember way back, when was it-yesterday, when I listed my most favorite tv characters of all time? The list where I left out all but one of the characters from the Joss Whedon ouvre? 'Member that? Well, I was flipping through the menu on the digital cable thingy, and I noticed that the Sci-Fi Channel is having an all-day Firefly marathon tomorrow (I'm having a total nerdgasm just thinking about it).

I took this as a sign of two things. 1) Seeing as how I'm still kind of sick, I'm thinking that I should do nothing else monday, other than veg out in front of the tv and watch said marathon(If watching two of my tv husbands-Nathan and Adam-doesn't make me feel better, then I should just fill my pockets up with rocks and walk into a river, because CLEARLY, if those fine specimens of manhood don't perk me up, nothing will) and 2) I should give in to my urge to list all my favorite Jossverse people (Jossverse=Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel: The Series, and Firefly. That's ACTUALLY what it's referred to as. I swear I'm not making it up.)

You'll notice that this list is substantially longer than the other one. Plus, after this, I promise to give the lists a rest for a while. I just love lists, though-my own, other people's-it's an addiction. Unlike the other list, I tried to put these in some kind of an order. If there's one thing I love as much as making a list, it's playing favorites. I'm sure that absolutely NO ONE gives a rat's ass about any of this, but I wanna do it, so nyah-nyah.

1. Allen Francis Doyle -Angel

2. Winifred 'Fred' Burkle -Angel

3. Lorne -Angel

4. Hoban 'Wash' Washburne -Firefly

5. Puppet Angel -Angel

6. Spike -BtVS, Angel

7. Jayne Cobb -Firefly

8. Rupert Giles -BtVS

9. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce -BtVS, Angel

10. Willow Rosenberg -BtVS

11. Anya Jenkins -BtVS

12. Malcolm Reynolds -Firefly

13. Xander Harris -BtVS

14. Andrew Wells -BtVS

15. Drusilla -BtVS, Angel

16. Angelus -BtVS, Angel

17. Caleb -BtVS

18. Daniel 'Oz' Osbourne -BtVS

19. Kaylee Frye -Firefly

20. Cordelia Chase -BtVS, Angel

21. Zoe Washburne -Firefly

22. Derrial 'Shepherd' Book -Firefly

23. Tara Maclay -BtVS

24. Clem -BtVS

25. Joyce Summers -BtVS

26. Mayor Richard Wilkins -BtVS

Thus Spake...Me

Okay chillun, I succumbed to the peer pressure and did one of those audio blogger posts. For the record, there's nothing all that spectacular about it, and it contains no actual information, it was just done for the hell of it. And because I was somewhat goaded into doing it (I am SO waving my fist in the direction of Toronto right now). A couple of things to take into consideration before you give it a listen:

I HATE the sound of my voice. Always have, always will. I'm convinced I sound like a long-lost relative of Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel. If anyone feels the urge to make fun of my voice, know that if you do, it will send me into a deep depression, from which I shall never recover. And it will be all your fault, and I will never speak, or in this case, TYPE, to you again.

I'm not a shy person, at least, not as shy as I used to be, but I loathe talking on the telephone. The Master does not approve of such devices. It'll be dark soon...M'kay, I don't know WHAT just happened THERE. Where was I? Oh, right, I don't particularly like talking on the phone, because I don't like not being able to see who I'm talking to. It makes me uneasy. So, when I'm talking to naught but DEAD AIR, it makes me a wee bit anxious, and you can tell by all the uncomfortable "um"s and the nervous laughter.

Listen if you must, but don't come crying to me if my voice frightens any animals or small children you have in your home.

this is an audio post - click to play

Saturday, September 16, 2006

This is What Happens When I'm Bored and Sick

I am having a crappy saturday. Come to think of it, my last 3 saturdays have all been rather lacking, but today, I feel especially lousy, and to top it off, I'm pretty sure there's a bowling ball lodged in my cranium. I won't even mention what's going on in my intestines...

So anyway, I saw on Whedonesque where Joss Whedon, creator of my 3 most beloved shows ever, posted a list of his 25 favorite tv characters. Like I said, I'm sick, and above all BORED, so I'm taking a page from his book and doing the same. Except not 25, more like 15 or so. Unlike Mr. Whedon, I have to include at least ONE of his characters. I HAVE to, but I'm not listing all of my favorite people from his shows, because then the list would end up comprised of only BtVS, Angel and Firefly characters.

I'll tell ya, looking over this list was kind of like a bizarre glimpse into my psyche. I'm a little surprised, and also, I watched way too much television when I was growing up.

These are in no particular order, and in some cases, I'm not adding anything to the names, because for a few of these, I don't know why I like the character, I just DO.

  • Allen Francis Doyle-Angel. (Get this one out of the way first)
  • Kitty Russell-Gunsmoke. I don't like westerns, usually, but I liked Gunsmoke, and Kitty. She was neither a schoolmarm, nor a whore, nor a farm wife. She was a self-assured woman with her own business, and she didn't take any shit, but she wasn't a bitch either.
  • Lorelei Gimore-Gilmore Girls. Her parenting style is the only one on tv that I can relate to. Because of that, I can almost forgive her for jerking Luke around so much.
  • Lucille Bluth-Arrested Development. It was a tie between her and Gob, but he lost points because of the magic tricks.
  • Christian Troy-Nip/Tuck. Sexy, sexy, sexy bastard.
  • Justin Crowe-Carnivale. Creepy, creepy, creepy bastard.
  • Carl Kolchak-The Night Stalker. The Darren McGavin one, not that wussy guy that boinks Charlize Theron.
  • Mandy-The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.
  • House!
  • Crow T. Robot-Mystery Science Theater 3000. Best. Puppet. Ever
  • Agent Dale Cooper-Twin Peaks. Way cooler than Mulder.
  • Mel Profitt-Wiseguy. Kevin Spacey. That is all.
  • Columbo. Yes, I like Columbo-what of it?
  • Dorothy Zbornak-Golden Girls. Me in about 30 years.
  • Leland Stottlemeyer-Monk. He's just cool, plus bonus points for making me get over: "It puts the lotion on it's skin"
  • Lisa Simpson-The Simpsons. Runners-up: Patty and Selma.

I have to go take a nap now. And vomit.

(Edit-I wasn't going to go back and add any more, but I thought of this one, and I had to, I absolutely HAD to put it on here: Lucas Buck-American Gothic. Mmmm, evily goodness....)

(2nd Edit: Darlene Connor-Roseanne. Thanks to Jenner for reminding me.)

They're Coming to Get You, Barbara

I wasn't going to post this until tomorrow, but seeing as how it's 1am here, it actually IS tomorrow, and I've got insomnia, so suck it up. As you regular readers of TDYL might be aware-all 5 of you-I posted a full-length motion picture (I like saying "motion picture". I don't know why) last saturday. While I'm almost certain that no one watched it, I got kind of a kick out of posting it, so I've decided to make this a weekly feature. Google video is just brimming with public domain films, ripe for the picking, and I feel that it is my responsibility to bring them to the less fortunate.

I had a hard time deciding just what movie to post. I pondered posting Reefer Madness, because as many of you know, I love Reefer Madness, and hope to one day wed it and have it's hysteria-prone, over-acting, bogarting, celluloid babies. But, I've already posted a link to it, way back when, and if you so choose, you can dig around and find it over in the archives.

Like last week, I'm not going to say -outright- what the movie is, but unlike last week, I'm doing 2 things. 1-This time, I've actually dropped a great big hint as to what the movie is. If you've seen it, then the clue is BLATANTLY obvious. And 2-this is actually a GOOD movie, in fact, it was pretty groundbreaking back when it came out, so you can't NOT watch it on the basis that it's a piece of crap.

Perhaps next week, I'll take requests. Isn't that gracious and agreeable of me? Yes, yes it is.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Zero 7-"Somersault"

I haven't posted anything on my favoritest band in the whole, wide world in like two weeks. I'm a bad fan, and I'm flogging myself as I type this. S'kinda fun, really.....

More Childhood Horror

My discovery of the Magic trailer yesterday sparked an interesting (at least to ME) conversation last night between me and a friend. We talked about various horror movies that scared the bejesus out of us as kids, and she asked me if I remembered Bad Ronald.

Indeed, indeed I do.

Bad Ronald was the story of Ronald Wilby,(Scott Jacoby, best known for the Jodie Foster epic The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane, and for playing Dorothy's son on the Golden Girls),a very UNIQUE young man, who has a rather rich inner life and an unhealthy relationship with his mother (Kim Hunter, from A Streetcar Named Desire and Planet of the Apes. How'd she end up in this? I do not know)

The wheels are set in motion when a neighborhood girl tells Ronald that he's "weird" (that's putting it mildly), and then disses his mama. Ronald pushes her down and she conveniently hits her head on a rock, and dies. Unlike my mother, who would probably have dragged me to the police station by my ear, Mrs. Wilby has Ronald put a wall up over the spare bedroom, and keeps him there (They had something worked out for the meals and such, but damned if I can remember what it was)

This works out great, until Mom goes into the hospital and doesn't come back out. The house is sold to a family with three lovely daughters (Not that he has anything to do here, but the dad is played by Dabney Coleman, and really, who doesn't like Dabney Coleman?) Considering that Ronald was already a tad unhinged to start with, it's no surprise that his makeshift house arrest has made him completely monkeyshit crazy. He's become increasingly obsessed with a fantasy world of his own creation, the center of which is a goddess who's name I can't remember. What I DO remember, is that he has drawings of the goddess, and don't you know it, one of the daughters looks just like her.

I won't divulge any more of the film, lest I give it away. Although, considering that this was a tv movie from 1974, you'd be lucky to find a copy, and if you did manage to track one down, the picture quality is likely to be similar to that of a snuff film.

Just for the hell of it, I did some digging around on YouTube, and I found a grand total of ONE CLIP devoted to this cheesy, creepy bit o' nostalgia. It's several scenes of the movie, set to Creep by Radiohead. Oddly fitting, no? Normally, I wouldn't post one of them there homemade vids, but I like Radiohead, and I like Bad Ronald.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Sonic Youth-"Titanium Expose" and "Purr"

I'm 4 Again, and Really, Really Scared

I was looking on YouTube for clips of Ann Richards' KotH appearance (no luck), and I found this 30 second movie trailer from 1978. A few years after it came out, my sister had a poster of this damn thing tacked up in her room with the express purpose of keeping me out. Well, it worked, bitch, and now I have a life-long phobia because of it.
I can handle blood, guts, gore, violence-anything, except stuff like this. I finally ended up watching the actual movie when I was a teenager, and it wasn't as terrifying as I thought it was going to be, in fact, it wasn't scary at all. But that damn dummy still freaks me out. TO THIS DAY.....

RIP Ann Richards

I hate most politicians. Key word being "most", because I liked Ann Richards, and was actually saddened by news of her death yesterday at the age of 73. She was a tough, smart lady, and most importantly, she had a fantastic sense of humor (as evidenced by her King of the Hill guest appearance, where she had a fling with Bill). My own father, a staunch republican-he THINKS he is, anyway-could never think of anything negative to say about her, other than she was a recovering alcoholic (Yes, Dad, and your president is a recovering cokehead-what's your point?). She was only the second female governor of Texas, and she opened many doors for women and minorities, which, as much as it endeared her to some, it's also probably what cost her the job to the aforementioned Cokehead after only serving four years.

Thank you, Ann, for opening the door for my daughter, and let's hope that others don't slam it shut before she's old enough to appreciate it.

Dallas Morning News

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Cowboy Junkies-"Sweet Jane"

And just for the hell of it, here's the Velvet Underground version.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Radiohead-"Talk Show Host"

Harper has moved on from the A Life Less Ordinary soundtrack, onto the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack. (For the record, I do own CDs that aren't film soundtracks, but they seem to be her preference)
Radio Blog doesn't have the song that she's been playing-ENDLESSLY, I might add-so, I'm posting MY favorite song from that CD.

Like a Train Wreck

I was over at four four last night, and I saw that Rich, the sitemaster, finally couldn't take it anymore, and uploaded Living Dolls, a movie he is downright obsessed with, onto You Tube.
If you've never heard of it, Living Dolls was a documentary that aired on HBO awhile back. It follows a few hopefuls on the southern child beauty pageant circuit, mainly, 5 year old (at that time) Swan Brooner.
This movie has to be seen to be believed. Christopher Guest wishes he could come up with something like this. Oh my God: the kid's having their hair dyed, 6 year olds being told to flirt with the judges, Swan's bitch of a mother, the gay coaches. Plus, this movie features what has become-literally overnight-my favorite line ever: Said about 5 year old Reed Hale, "His hobbies include playing in the dirt and watching Unsolved Mysteries". You can bet that is going into my interests on my MySpace profile.

I'm including the link to the first part (it's chopped into 9 ten minute segments, you know how You Tube is), and from there you can easily get to the rest of it. Seriously, you have to watch it, but don't watch the first part until you have enough time to devote to all of it: I sat down at midnight last night, thinking I'd watch the first 10 minutes to see what the fuss was about, and ended up watching the entire thing straight through.

Living Dolls on YouTube

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Nirvana-"The Man Who Sold the World"

Blogger is being a royal bitch and won't let me post photos. So, until it decides whether or not it can play well with others, I can't post my man of the week. And it was a good one, too. DAMN YOU BLOGGER!!

Urge to Kill, Rising


BREAST-enhancing padded bras for girls as young as six are being sold in Victorian shops.
Childhood experts have warned parents they could be baiting pedophiles by dressing their young girls as raunchy women.
Tiny matching lingerie sets of lacy bras and knickers in many children's brands including Bratz, Saddle Club and Barbie, have hit the shelves aimed at girls who are barely old enough for school.
The Herald Sun last week revealed the latest Bratz Babyz range included sexually provocative baby dolls dressed in leather and lingerie.
The padded Bratz "bralettes" were among more than 30 different junior bra styles starting at size six on sale at a city Target store visited by the Herald Sun yesterday.
The Australian Family Association warned parents against sexualising their children. "We have a growing problem with pedophilia and people viewing children as sex objects," spokeswoman Angela Conway said.
"Children do not need these products and I am appalled. It is more than bad taste. The sexual portrayal of children in this country is illegal and these products are pandering to just that."
Australian Childhood Foundation CEO Dr Joe Tucci said padded bras were "the most ridiculous piece of clothing a parent could buy".
Bratz distributor Funtastic defended the range.
"The idea of the padding is for girls to be discreet as they develop," a spokeswoman said.
"It is more about hiding what you have got than showing it off. It is certainly not there to make children look like they have breasts."
Target also stood by the underwear range. It provided "fashionable items that give girls modesty and style as they go through development changes", a spokeswoman said.

So many things wrong in here, I don't know where to begin. Oh, wait, yes I do-SIX YEARS OLD?! No 6 year old on this planet needs a bra, and if they do, there's obviously a medical problem that needs attending to, and a cute bra isn't going to help any.

And can I tell you how much I hate those f*cking Bratz dolls? I can? Thanks, I think they should all be melted down and resold as medical supplies. I never played with Barbies much as a kid. I mean, I had a couple and a lot of the clothes, but it just never held my interest. But the thing there is, Barbie wasn't-at that time-a white trash hooker doll, marketed to the grade school set. Bratz dolls-with their giant heads, slutty clothes, and bizarrely charicaturized features-ARE.


Saturday, September 09, 2006

Saturday Classics

I'm having a lazy, sort of depressed day, and I don't really feel like posting, but my annoying sense of responsibility trumps my slothlike tendencies. I am posting a full-length movie. I doubt anyone will watch it, even if I point out that it is one of the most talked about films in history, and that everyone should see it at least once. It's also fairly short, so it's not like I'm telling anyone to sit through the LoTR trilogy.
What is this masterpiece? If you don't know by looking at the screenshot, I'm not telling.

Friday, September 08, 2006


I wasn't going to post another list so soon after the last one. By "wasn't going to post", I mean that I was. That was a lie. But it's an entertaining lie, and in the end, isn't that all that really matters? The answer is no.

Presenting, the top 25 Simpsons guest stars, as picked by these people . I underlined the ones I liked, because my opinion is really what matters here:

25. Glenn Close

24. Aerosmith

23. The Hullapalooza performers (Smashing Pumpkins, Cypress Hill, Sonic Youth, Peter Frampton)

22. Tito Puente

21. James Taylor

20. The cast of Cheers

19. Mel Gibson

18. Spinal Tap

17.The Pro Baseball Players in "Homer at the Bat" (Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, Ken Griffey Jr., Steve Sax, Ozzie Smith, José Canseco, Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry, Mike Scioscia and Terry Cashman as themselves)

16. Stephen Hawking

15. The Ramones

14. Johnny Cash

13. Elizabeth Taylor

12. Ron Howard

11. Leonard Nimoy

10. The Beatles (George Harrison "Homer's Barbershop Quartet", Ringo Starr "Brush With Greatness", Paul McCartney "Lisa the Vegetarian")

9. John Waters

8. Jon Lovitz (Various)

7. James Earl Jones

6. Winona Ryder

5. Michael Jackson

4. The Krusty Comeback Performers (Bette Midler, Hugh Hefner, Johnny Carson, Luke Perry and the Red Hot Chili Peppers as themselves)

3. Dustin Hoffman

2. Mark Hamill

1. Albert Brooks (Various)

(I would just like to point out, that Simpsons creator Matt Groening and I have the same opinion as far as our most favorite guest star(s). It doesn't mean anything, but I'm posting the clip of them anyway.)

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Morphine-"Free Now"

I've always been able to relate to this song just a tad too well...

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

AFI=Ass-Faced Idiots

The American Film Institute, compilers of the most boring lists in the known universe, have recently crafted their picks for the top 25 musicals from the last 100 years.

Let's take a look at their top 10 oh-so-earth shattering selections:

1. Singin' in the Rain

2. West Side Story

3. The Wizard of Oz

4. The Sound of Music

5. Cabaret

6. Mary Poppins

7. A Star is Born

8. My Fair Lady

9. An American in Paris

10. Meet Me in St. Louis

Fine. I enjoy an old musical now and then, usually when I'm depressed and it's winter and rainy outside (Specific? Yes), but I can honestly say that no force on this earth could ever make me watch Chicago(12) again. It does not deserve to be on a list, not only with, but right next to The King and I (11)(I LOVE that movie, I cry EVERY SINGLE TIME).

My main problem with this list, is that there is no trace of this anywhere in the 25:

Grow some stones, AFI.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Pixies-"Debaser"

I could not, in good conscience, leave that piece of steaming manure masquerading as music as the first post on my blog. What would people think? Here's some GOOD music to erase those horrid Europe memories.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Prodigy-"Full Throttle"

Lately, my daughter has been pilfering through my cds, and she seems fixated on this one in particular. Specifically, she keeps playing this one song, over and over. I don't know what that's about, and frankly, I'm afraid to investigate any further. Oh well, I guess it could be worse.

Morbid Fascination

I have a dark side. It's not blaringly obvious. I don't light kittens on fire or poke people with hat pins while I'm walking down the sidewalk. No, it manifests itself in other ways.
Like an appreciation of weird deaths. I have a preference for the more ironic deaths, like Redd Foxx dropping dead of a heart attack and everyone thinking he was faking it. Not that I have anything against Redd Foxx, but come on: the irony is perfect there. To be fair, in the case of celebrities, when one of them dies, I don't get all that choked up. I think there was only one instance where I actually cried when someone famous died. I didn't bawl or anything, but I did tear up when Glenn Quinn died, but that's the only one I can think of. For the most part, I just say, "That's a shame", and go about my business. I'm not uncaring, not by a long shot, I just don't see any point in getting upset every time there's a death in the world. If I did, I'd cry all the time.
I do have some guilt, because there's quite a few instances, upon hearing of a particular cause of death, I have actually laughed out loud. Someone dies on the toilet? I'm on the FLOOR. I can't read about the Darwin Awards without being doubled over in pain. I'm just not a very nice person. Here's a few deaths-some well known, some not-that I found to be unusual. To quote Homer Simpson: "It's funny, 'cuz I don't know him."

453: Attila the Hun suffered a severe nosebleed and choked to death on his wedding night.-(Way to go out with your boots on)

1016:Edmund II of England was rumoured to have been smacked in the head by a soldier who was waiting for him behind the toilet.-(Wah, wah, Waaaah.)

1327: King Edward II of England, after being deposed and imprisoned by his Queen consort Isabella and her lover Roger Mortimer, was rumored to have been murdered by having a red-hot iron inserted into his anus.

1884: Allan Pinkerton, detective, died of gangrene resulting from having bitten his tongue after stumbling on the sidewalk.-(That's going to be what happens to me, I just know it.)

1911: Jack Daniel, founder of the famous Tennessee whiskey distillery, died of blood poisoning due to a toe injury he received after kicking his safe in anger when he could not remember its combination code.-(Or possibly this.)

1916: The English satirist, novelist and wit Saki was killed in France, during World War I by a sniper's bullet, having reportedly cried "Put that damned cigarette out!" to a fellow officer in his trench lest the glowing embers reveal their whereabouts.

1927: Isadora Duncan, dancer, died of accidental strangulation and broken neck when her scarf caught on the wheel of a car in which she was a passenger. Her last words before the car drove off were "Adieu, mes amis. Je vais à la gloire". (Farewell, my friends! I go to glory!)

1953: Frank Hayes, jockey, suffered a heart attack during a horse race. The horse, Sweet Kiss, went on to finish first, making Hayes the only deceased jockey to win a race.

1971: Jerome Irving Rodale, an American pioneer of organic farming, died of a heart attack while being interviewed on the Dick Cavett Show. When he appeared to fall asleep, Cavett quipped "Are we boring you, Mr. Rodale?". The show was never broadcast.

1987: R. Budd Dwyer, a Republican politician, committed suicide during a televised press conference. Facing a potential 55-year jail sentence for alleged involvement in a conspiracy, Dwyer shot himself in the mouth with a revolver.-(This one makes me wince. Despite talk about how great a guy he was, he took bribes and killed himself on live televison. During a statewide snowstorm. The schools were closed that day-get the picture?)

2005: Kenneth Pinyan, an Enumclaw, WA. man, died of acute peritonitis after submitting to anal intercourse with a stallion. The man had done this before, though apparently this time his partner was a little too keen, and he delayed several hours to visit hospital wishing to avoid official cognisance. The case led to the criminalization of bestiality in Washington.-(I don't know what's worse here: How he died, or the fact that the state of Washington needed any impetus to outlaw bestiality)

I've gone on long enough, but I can't leave out the story of Lupe Velez. Lupe was a film star back in the 1930s. The official story is that she was upset because she was pregnant and her married lover wouldn't leave his wife. So, she took some pills, they made her sick and she dropped dead on the bathroom floor. The UNofficial story, and in my opinion, the GREATEST DEATH STORY EVER, is that she was upset because her career was on the wane. She wanted to be remembered as being glamourous and beautiful. So, she gussied herself up, took a cocktail of tranquilizers and lay down on the bed, waiting for death to come and whisk her away. Unfortunately, the spicy meal she had earlier decided to repeat on her. She got violently ill, ran into the bathroom and died with her head in the toilet, which was how she was found. Now, which story do YOU like better?

You can read about more hilarious, bizarre or just downright pathetic deaths here:

Saturday, September 02, 2006

"Did I Mentioned That I Cried?"

I was doing some browsing over on YouTube, and it struck me that I haven't posted anything MST3k related in a while. I'm filled with shame. No actually, I'm pretty tickled, because they have more stuff than they did last time, including Manos, and while I abhor that movie on it's own, I have a shrine in my attic devoted to the MST version. They also have quite a few of the first season Joel eps, so I'm practically orgasmic (Yes, I said "orgasmic" and I meant it.)
This clip is from one of the 4th season host segments, and while it's not exactly hilarious, I know at least one person who might get some enjoyment out of it.

Friday, September 01, 2006

I Don't Plan On Living THAT Long

I recently came across this book, "1001 Movies to See Before You Die". It's interesting, and while I do love lists, 1001 seemed a bit too steep of an amount. I had some time on my hands today, so I whittled it down to the 50 films I think people should see before they die, using only the films listed in the book. 50 is still quite a large number, but I just kept adding and I couldn't take any off, so this is what you get. Keep in mind, that I haven't seen every movie on the list of 1001, so if I left some great piece of cinema off of my list, I either A) Haven't seen it. Or B) Went against the grain and didn't like it. There's even a few movies that I loved that aren't even on the list, so I'm not including them...Although, if I like a movie enough to call it a favorite, it's a given that everyone in the free world should see it before they die. Just tuck that tidbit away for later usage.

1. Metropolis (1927)

2. M (1931)

3. The Philadelphia Story (1940)

4. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

5. The Red Shoes (1948)

6. The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

7. The Quiet Man (1952)

8. Night of the Hunter (1955)

9. The Searchers (1956)

10. Some Like it Hot (1959)

11. Peeping Tom (1960)

12. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

13. Cool Hand Luke (1967)

14. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

15. M*A*S*H (1970)

16. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

17. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

18. Harold and Maude (1971)

19. Pink Flamingos (1972)

20. Young Frankenstein (1974)

21. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

22. Jaws (1975)

23. Eraserhead (1977)

24. The Elephant Man (1980)

25. The Evil Dead (1982)

26. This is Spinal Tap (1984)

27. The Color Purple (1985)

28. Stand by Me (1986)

29. Manhunter (1986)

30. Raising Arizona (1987)

31. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

32. My Left Foot (1989)

33. Do the Right Thing (1989)

34. The Unbelievable Truth (1989)

35. Trust (1990)

36. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1990)

37. Goodfellas (1990)

38. Thelma and Louise (1991)

39. Slacker (1991)

40. 32 Short Films About Glenn Gould (1993)

41. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

42. Pulp Fiction (1994)

43. Safe (1995)

44. The Usual Suspects (1995)

45. The Sweet Hereafter (1997)

46. Run, Lola Run (1998)

47. Magnolia (1999)

48. Fight Club (1999)

49. American Beauty (1999)

50. Dancer in the Dark (2000)

The list from the book: