Happy Birthday Jenner!!

Due to some late-breaking drama and a major lack of sleep, this post will not be as substantial as I wanted (the brain, she ain't working so good). Be that as it may, I was damned and determined to acknowledge your birthday here, and yes, I know I'm a day early.

YouTube didn't have the CG clip I wanted to post, but this one fits perfectly with the topic at hand. Oh and check your blog-I left you a present there as well (and I'm fighting the urge to make a poop joke here...Heh, I said 'urge' and 'poop' in the same sentence.) Happy birthday, Jenner, and it goes without saying-but we still say it, that's our way-I love you very, very much.

Happy Birthday Melissa!

I know I'm a couple days early, but I have a potentially busy weekend ahead of me, so I thought it best to err on the side of caution and get this up now. I had every intention of sending you something in the mail, but due to, well, stuff, I never got the chance.

I debated a good bit on what to post, before my elephantine memory pointed me towards this. Enjoy, I love you and I hope you have a great birthday weekend!

This Man is Wearing a Push-up Bra. Now he is Pleasing

Today is the 48th birthday of Joel Hodgson, creator and original host of MST3k. In the interest of full disclosure, when I was in my late teens, I would have gladly offered him my hand in marriage had the opportunity arisen.

In honor of this day, I've made a top 5 list of my favorite Joel episodes of MST3k (difficulty: no Manos) and I'm including one of my favorite shorts.

1. Eegah!
2. The Amazing Colossal Man (The episode that broke my MST3k cherry, as it were.)
3. Mitchell (Joel's last episode as host, and the only episode that ever made me cry.)
4. Attack of the Eye Creatures
5. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster

Happy Birthday Jenner!

A little over a year ago, I found out my parents were huge liars. Up til that time, I was under the impression that I only had a brother and sister, and that was pretty much that for me as far as siblings are concerned. Imagine my surprise when I come across Jenner, and I realize that I've got a twin sister living up in Canadia Land (and she's an older twin sister, like a whole year older-don't disrupt my momentum here.)

She's as nutty and goofy as I am, she likes MST3k as much as I do (even though she thinks Mike is better than Joel-I never said she wasn't my DERANGED twin sister), oh and we sometimes have a frightening habit of thinking and saying the same shit (due to socially accepted Jinx laws, we now owe each other upwards of 4,271 beers, give or take a few.) She's good people, and I love her to pieces.

I had planned to make something for her, but due to time constraints, I was unable to. So instead, I'm just going to post some songs for her (she's a total music whore.)

Happy Birthday Jenner!









And you know the post wouldn't be complete without 'our song':

Happy Birthday Melissa!

One of the coolest people in the whole wide world is having a birthday today, and I'd be a complete asshole if I didn't acknowledge it (I'm only half-asshole, you see.) Melissa is smart, compassionate, funny (she thinks she's not, but she is-shhh), and has excellent taste in men (although the cosmos has decreed that she should be with a lesser man, see photo #3.) I could go on and on about her, but it would end up being all sappy, and I don't roll that way (at least not on this blog), so instead, I will now present to her (and the rest of you jokers) an episode of one of her favorite cartoons, The Venture Brothers. Happy birthday sweetie!

Part 2

Part 3

Happy Birthday Prico!

First of all, I want to apologize for the lack of content in this post, but A) I didn't have much time to think about it, and I wanted it up before morning, and B) I think I really DID break my toe, and I'm tired. SO, I fetched a couple of pictures of menfolk that I know you like. As for this song, I don't know if you like this PARTICULAR song, but I have a feeling that someone else will be posting Like a Prayer, so that one's out. However, this one here is by Miss Shirley Bassey, who is, in fact, very fierce.

I don't normally post to a specific person directly, but Prico, you are a very special person, extremely funny and intelligent, and the definition of a gentleman. I truly do hope you have a wonderful birthday, followed by many more.

On It's Side, It's Infinity

Harper went and turned eight years old today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!), and I had planned to post the entire Spongebob movie for her. For whatever reason, I've decided against that, and have instead opted to post 2 cartoons and a tv sitcom. Harper loves these shows, watches them all the time (I, of course, am unfamiliar with all 3, since I am too mature to be drawn in by such silliness. Did anyone buy that?).

I realize that pretty much all I've posted lately is music and YouTube clips, but things have been pretty hectic around here, what with illness, not just this, but 3 other birthdays, Halloween preparations, and general drama. Once Halloween is over, I should be back to my usual posting habits. No, wait, I'm still planning to blow up Parliament on Guy Fawkes Day, so I'm booked solid til after the 5th...Erm, um, no, no, I should be back to normal after Halloween-forget about that other thing.

After This, I Promise to Stop With the Birthday Posts, I Swear.

Some guy named Michael J. Nelson turned 42 today. Supposedly, he used to write for and later starred in some tv show back in the 90s-Mystery Science Theater 3000. I, of course, have no firsthand knowledge of the existence of such a program, so I can't verify that, but that's what I've heard. It's not like I can quote a ridiculous number of his lines, and I most CERTAINLY never had a gigantic poster of him and his robot friends on my wall when I was 18 years old. I also don't think his dimples are absolutely adorable. Nope.

Apparently, nowadays he does commentary on special DVD editions of classic B-movies, and allegedly, there's a website where you can download commentaries he's done for a few more recent films. I think it's called Rifftrax or something, I'm not sure. Also, the word on the street is he's written a few books-that might be true, I dunno.

I hope he had a nice birthday, whoever he is. Oh, BTW: These clips of that show he was on could be entertaining, I have no idea. I myself, cannot sing the 10th season theme song at the drop of a hat (for the record, I also don't know the varying theme songs from the other seasons), and this short, A Case of Spring Fever-it might be somewhat amusing, who knows? It's not like I've laughed my ass off at it eleventy billion times, and I can't quote it or anything ("I own your ass, fat boy! Get back here!" "Rip, tear, expose, horrify friends" "You spring loving bastard"), and anyone who says I can is a filthy, lowdown liar.

I Will Perfect My Own Rice of People

Legendary auteur Edward D. Wood jr would have been 82 today. Now, y'all know I love me some Ed, so I'm posting a couple of clips from his films as a paltry tribute: Bela Lugosi's "Atomic Supermen" speech from Bride of the Monster, and the trailer for Glen or Glenda. The man made pure celluloid crap-you can't argue with that. Logically, a person should not enjoy repeated viewings of his films, but as I always say: TO HELL WITH LOGIC! Usually after I say that, I throw my glass of scotch into the fireplace, and then I storm out the front door in a grand and diva-like manner.

But I digress..

I submit, that the reason his films are so enjoyable, is because they're UNIQUE crap, all crafted with his skewed 'artistic' vision (I have to wonder what kind of movies he would make if he were still alive, what with all the advances in special effects. Would he still be lighting pie plates on fire?). They don't make crap like that anymore. Who do we have making lousy movies nowadays? Uwe Boll? Who the hell wants to watch a Uwe Boll movie over and over again? Plus Ed had that cross-dressing thing going for him. Are there any cross-dressing filmakers around anymore? Well, I guess there's Larry Wachowski (did he ever get his sex change operation? Hmm.), but he's kind of a recluse, and his movies aren't TOO bad ( I love Agent Smith too much to be able to sufficiently bad-mouth the Matrix trilogy, but then again I HATE Keanu Reeves...But not as much as I love Agent Smith, so no, I can't talk smack about the Matrix).

ANYWAY, Happy Birthday, Ed- you made garbage that makes people happy. That's a rare feat indeed.

"Forever and Ever and Ever"

Today is Stephen King's birthday. I've had a long-running relationship with Mr. King, going back even before I was born. My mom got really into his books whilst pregnant with me, which may explain quite a few things. I started reading him when I was about 12-no Sweet Valley High for me, no sir.

My first Stephen King book was The Shining. God, what a spell that book had me under. It scared me to death, and I couldn't get enough of it. Some of his books have been hit-or-miss, I will admit, but The Shining, The Stand, and I have a soft spot for IT-I could read these over and over, and I do.

Since I don't feel like pasting passages of a novel onto a blog (plus there's that whole thing about it being illegal or something), I'm posting this uber-creepy clip from the film version of the Shining. And in other news, how much do I love Stanley Kubrick? This, A Clockwork Orange, Dr. Strangelove, 2001, Full Metal Jacket-I could weep just typing the titles. Expect a majorly longwinded post when his birthday comes around, I don't care if he IS dead.