I Didn't Know Barney Rubble Went Into Journalism...

I need a laugh (I'm fine, btw, just want a good chuckle) and this video always delivers. Have a good weekend, everyone.

Beware...

Remember that phase I went through not long ago, posting a crappy public domain movie every weekend, then I stopped? 'Member that? That was fun. The reason I stopped was because I ran out of good crappy movies, and was only left with CRAPPY crappy movies, and as much of a misanthrope as I am, I draw the line at foisting boring schlock upon other people.

However....

I was overcome by massive boredom this afternoon, and I went searching on Google video for something to watch, and I found not just a GOOD crappy movie, but GREAT crappy movie, one of the best of the worst: Ed Wood's transvestite sci-fi extravaganza, Glen or Glenda.

The inspiration for this movie was the story of George Jorgensen, who in 1952, became Christine Jorgensen, one of the first people to undergo sexual reassignment surgery.

However...

Christine's story has absolutely NOTHING to do with what ended up on film. What we got instead, was Ed Wood himself in some (very cute) angora sweaters, Bela Lugosi in one of the most bizarre roles of his career (morphine: it's a hell of a drug), and a plot that has fuck all to do with transsexualism (or logic for that matter.)

Basically, if you want a good movie about a transgendered person, rent Hedwig and the Angry Inch. If you want a halfway decent movie about a guy who dresses like a chick, rent Tootsie. If you want a good Ed Wood movie, then I'm afraid I can't help you (but if you want a good movie ABOUT Ed Wood, then check out his biopic starring Johnny Depp. Martin Landau is GOLD as Bela Lugosi.)

However...

If you're like me, and you thrive on crappy movies about cross dressers that make no sense whatsoever, then settle in and click 'play' on the little YouTube dealy down below.

100 Movies, 100 Quotes, 100 Numbers

Harper's home sick, and I'm a tad bored, so I thought I'd post a little sumpin-sumpin. I saw this the other day, and me being the film nerd that I am, I got a little kick out of it. It also appeals to the massive trivia nerd in me as well (yes, I am a film and trivia nerd-shocking, eh?). Some of the films are easily identifiable (guess what they put for #11?), some not. How many can YOU name?

Shaving IQ Points

I had a bit of a stressful day yesterday, and in an effort to get my mind off of things, late in the day I sat down in front of the tv and channel surfed for a bit. My search criteria was only that I didn't have to think about what I was watching, and, if possible, it was to be something that would end up making me feel superior. Now, I was fully aware of the existence of this program, and had seen bits and pieces of it over the years, but I'd never sat down and watched an entire hour of it. After the hour was over, I was filled with a mix of bemusement, horror, smugness, nausea, and a big old helping of schadenfreude.

Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday, on March 27 2007, I sat down and watched my very first full "You Are NOT the Father!" episode of Maury.

Like I said, I had seen bits and pieces of it over the years, but actually watching a whole hour, one person after the other who feels the need to procure a DNA test to determine the identity of their baby daddy, is much, much worse(better?) Over the course of the hour, there was not one person who had any redeeming qualities whatsoever-it was an endless parade of trash, and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm thinking it won't be the last time I watch it. What does that say about me? Does it make me a bad person that, when the paternity test proved to be negative, the reactions of both the non-baby daddy and the slut-mama made me bray like a jackass on pot? Well, I don't care: after a bad day, I think everyone is entitled to have a laugh at the expense of the dregs of society, and if that makes me wrong, I don't wanna be right. Besides, if they didn't want us to mock them, they wouldn't have gone on Maury.

I know I'm probably the last person on the face of the Earth who hadn't watched an episode, but I invite you all to laugh with me, so I'm including a couple of clips. Unfortunately, these people weren't on the one I watched...No I take back the 'unfortunately'-if they had been on there, with the mood I was in, I probably would have gone into hysterics and subsequently had a stroke. So, watch, enjoy, bask in the glow of feeling superior to another human being. You know you want to.

Flashback

Last night, I actually managed to get to sleep before the ass crack of dawn. Of course, I also WOKE UP before the ass crack of dawn-I can't win. I won't bore you with the harrowing details of every single thing that seemed to unite in some sort of conspiracy to keep me from sleeping. I will say that I ended up turning on the television, which I am known to do on occasion (amazingly, not as often as you'd think), and THIS movie was on, and I managed to turn it on during THIS exact scene. Sometimes I get lucky. Never did get back to sleep, though...

Almost Forgot...

I just now managed to get Harper to sleep, and I want to wait until she's out good so that I can...Uh, purchase illegal weapons over the internet. Yeah, that'll work. Anyway, I thought while I had a few minutes I could post this lil' doohickey, because I've been wanting to for MONTHS now, and if I don't post it now, I'll have to wait another year, and that will just not do. For those of you that read this here blog on the regular, you should have expected something like this, because when it comes to certain things, I am absurdly predictable. With other things, not so much.



APPLESAUCE!!



See, you weren't expecting that, were you? Yeah, I didn't think so.(Pardon me, I'm tired and a bit loopy.)

And now for your viewing and listening pleasure, "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas", from MST3k.

Edumacashun Time

I was going to post a full length motiooooon pictuuuuuure like I do every saturday, but I just wasn't feeling it today. I hunted Google Video for quite awhile, looking for something interesting, and nothing really grabbed my attention, so I gave up.

I know what you all are thinking:"If you're not posting a movie, what in hell are you going on about, you jackass?" Well, in the first place-don't be calling me a jackass, mkay? In the second place, I AM posting a movie....Kind of.

After I gave up the quest for a movie, I ended up watching a bunch of those educational shorts from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. I stumbled upon a couple of those super-fabulous VD films that were so prevalent back in the day. Well, I don't know about you, but when I think "VD" I automatically think of my 8th grade history teacher....


Um, perhaps I should elaborate on that a tad further.


My 8th grade history teacher, (who, for the purposes of this discussion will henceforth be reffered to as 'Coach Stevens') was a pretty cool cat, if not the most effective of educators. I honestly wasn't taught anything in his class that I still remember. What I DO remember about his class, is that he always let us watch films, movies and tv shows. I realize that most teachers resort to an educational film every now and again, but that's just it: the majority of things that we watched in Coach Stevens class HAD no value, and it wasn't "every now and again" it was ALL THE TIME. You think I'm kidding, or I'm embelishing the truth a little bit, don't you? OK, let me put my hand on a metaphorical bible, and swear to you, that the very first episode of Married:With Children that I ever watched, I saw in Coach Stevens class-I shit you not-and it also wasn't the last episode I watched in there, either.

As for the actual full-length movies, I can't remember all of them, but off the top of my head, I remember at least 2 of the Indiana Jones movies (that could be considered somewhat historical, if you're really, really reaching), Stand By Me, and that piece of Kevin Costner crapola, Field of Dreams. Much as I hate FoD, it does have a scintilla of academic value (the whole Black Sox scandal), but if you can attach any sort of scholastic merit to SBM, which I loved, you have something seriously wrong with you.

There was one film, out of the many that we watched in Coach Stevens class, that holds a special place in my memory. You see, Coach Stevens also taught a high school health class, and naturally, they had occasion to watch some of those VD films. Out of all the films that he undoubtedly showed the health class, this was the only one we got to watch in 8th grade history.

What makes this VD film so special? So unique? Well, it's an ANIMATED educational film about venereal disease from DISNEY. I remember our class of 14 year olds, howling like chimpanzees at the absurdity that was displayed before us. The only thing I can think of that even comes close to how surreal this whole thing is, are the VD puppets from Chapelle's Show. It is an absolute good.

Watch it, and send out a vibe of thanks to Coach Stevens, who, incidentally, is still teaching-you can sleep better at night knowing that.

You Wanna See Something Scary?

October-aka The Greatest Month of The Year-is here, which means it's only a couple of weeks 'til Halloween. To help get in the spirit of the season, here is a truly horrifying video. It's not scary in the classic definition, more like "It's so bad, it's scary". This woman has a face made for radio, and a voice made for...Um, well, perhaps she could show solidarity to some victimized girl by becoming an Ellen Jamesian -That would be PERFECT for her. God, I'm such a bitch....

AFI=Ass-Faced Idiots

The American Film Institute, compilers of the most boring lists in the known universe, have recently crafted their picks for the top 25 musicals from the last 100 years.
http://www.afi.com/tvevents/100years/musicals.aspx

Let's take a look at their top 10 oh-so-earth shattering selections:

1. Singin' in the Rain

2. West Side Story

3. The Wizard of Oz

4. The Sound of Music

5. Cabaret

6. Mary Poppins

7. A Star is Born

8. My Fair Lady

9. An American in Paris

10. Meet Me in St. Louis

Fine. I enjoy an old musical now and then, usually when I'm depressed and it's winter and rainy outside (Specific? Yes), but I can honestly say that no force on this earth could ever make me watch Chicago(12) again. It does not deserve to be on a list, not only with, but right next to The King and I (11)(I LOVE that movie, I cry EVERY SINGLE TIME).

My main problem with this list, is that there is no trace of this anywhere in the 25:

Grow some stones, AFI.

"Did I Mentioned That I Cried?"

I was doing some browsing over on YouTube, and it struck me that I haven't posted anything MST3k related in a while. I'm filled with shame. No actually, I'm pretty tickled, because they have more stuff than they did last time, including Manos, and while I abhor that movie on it's own, I have a shrine in my attic devoted to the MST version. They also have quite a few of the first season Joel eps, so I'm practically orgasmic (Yes, I said "orgasmic" and I meant it.)
This clip is from one of the 4th season host segments, and while it's not exactly hilarious, I know at least one person who might get some enjoyment out of it.

Even More Zero 7

I realize that I just recently posted a Zero 7 video. I realize that I seem to be obsessed. You don't have to tell me. Really, you don't. This isn't my favorite song of theirs, but it IS one of the most prettyful videos I've ever seen. Besides, I'm in the middle of a mental debate about a possible post, and I just wanted to get SOMETHING up. You should be thankful I'm posting anything at all, not judging me. You should be ashamed, all of you.

Zero 7

I've been feeling kind of icky lately, so I haven't really felt like posting anything that would take alot of effort. I'm feeling a little bit better today, so I may post something after this. If not, you can still enjoy this lovely video, a favorite of mine.

Morphine-Cure for Pain (Live)

You know, tsk, if I had wanted to slog through 1,000 Mighty Morpin' Power Rangers videos, I wouldn't have put the "E" on the end. I'm just sayin'....

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds-Red Right Hand

"Jungle Jitters"

It's time to play "Spot the Racist Iconography"! This is part of a group of cartoons referred to as the Censored 11. If you can't find anything wrong or offensive about this, please leave my blog now. Thank you.

Random Star Trek Post

I hate the original Star Trek. With a feverish passion. I find it to be sexist crap. Usually, I like crap, but I just can't seem to find a place in my heart for the show (Next Generation is another story: love me some TNG). However, the people associated with Trek are a veritable fount of weird, and as you know, I love odd stuff. It is my air. My essence. My very reason for being, if you will. This first clip, is Leonard Nimoy singing an ode to a Hobbit, backed up by people in sweatshirts and pointy ears.
The second, is William Shatner singing "Rocket Man". I'm sure most everyone has seen it, but it's always worth a second look. Besides, I needed it to justify posting the first one.

PS: I never realized how much Spock looks like DJ from Roseanne. Is it just me? It is? Nevermind.

"The Shinning"

Can't...Stop...Quoting..

"But don't be reading my mind between four and five: that's Willie's time!"

"Hi David, I'm Grandpa!"

"TELEVISION! Teacher, mother, secret lover."

"Uh oh, the lil' fat boy and his family are in trouble!"

"And Terror Is the Proper Word"

Sniff, Swig, Puff

Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson singing about drugs. I have no words.....

Music Purge

You know how annoying it is when you get a song in your head and you can't get rid of it no matter what? Yeah? Try having TWO SONGS playing on an endless, alternating loop in your brain. I have both Echo and the Bunnymen and Husker Du imbeded in my noggin and damned if I know why. I heard a snippet of one and the other just seeped out of my subconscious. Argh..

PS-As you may be able to guess by these 2 choices, I was that kid who always showed up to school on monday morning, bleary eyed, because I was up late sunday night watching 120 Minutes on MTV