Saturday, November 25, 2006

Edumacashun Time

I was going to post a full length motiooooon pictuuuuuure like I do every saturday, but I just wasn't feeling it today. I hunted Google Video for quite awhile, looking for something interesting, and nothing really grabbed my attention, so I gave up.

I know what you all are thinking:"If you're not posting a movie, what in hell are you going on about, you jackass?" Well, in the first place-don't be calling me a jackass, mkay? In the second place, I AM posting a movie....Kind of.

After I gave up the quest for a movie, I ended up watching a bunch of those educational shorts from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. I stumbled upon a couple of those super-fabulous VD films that were so prevalent back in the day. Well, I don't know about you, but when I think "VD" I automatically think of my 8th grade history teacher....

Um, perhaps I should elaborate on that a tad further.

My 8th grade history teacher, (who, for the purposes of this discussion will henceforth be reffered to as 'Coach Stevens') was a pretty cool cat, if not the most effective of educators. I honestly wasn't taught anything in his class that I still remember. What I DO remember about his class, is that he always let us watch films, movies and tv shows. I realize that most teachers resort to an educational film every now and again, but that's just it: the majority of things that we watched in Coach Stevens class HAD no value, and it wasn't "every now and again" it was ALL THE TIME. You think I'm kidding, or I'm embelishing the truth a little bit, don't you? OK, let me put my hand on a metaphorical bible, and swear to you, that the very first episode of Married:With Children that I ever watched, I saw in Coach Stevens class-I shit you not-and it also wasn't the last episode I watched in there, either.

As for the actual full-length movies, I can't remember all of them, but off the top of my head, I remember at least 2 of the Indiana Jones movies (that could be considered somewhat historical, if you're really, really reaching), Stand By Me, and that piece of Kevin Costner crapola, Field of Dreams. Much as I hate FoD, it does have a scintilla of academic value (the whole Black Sox scandal), but if you can attach any sort of scholastic merit to SBM, which I loved, you have something seriously wrong with you.

There was one film, out of the many that we watched in Coach Stevens class, that holds a special place in my memory. You see, Coach Stevens also taught a high school health class, and naturally, they had occasion to watch some of those VD films. Out of all the films that he undoubtedly showed the health class, this was the only one we got to watch in 8th grade history.

What makes this VD film so special? So unique? Well, it's an ANIMATED educational film about venereal disease from DISNEY. I remember our class of 14 year olds, howling like chimpanzees at the absurdity that was displayed before us. The only thing I can think of that even comes close to how surreal this whole thing is, are the VD puppets from Chapelle's Show. It is an absolute good.

Watch it, and send out a vibe of thanks to Coach Stevens, who, incidentally, is still teaching-you can sleep better at night knowing that.