Here We Go Again...

In case you missed the updates on my MySpace and Facebook pages, I am in possession of two more dogs. Back in October, Maggie and Botwo got their hillbilly on and early this morning the adorable products of their forbidden love made their debut. Just 2, a girl and a boy-Eve (named after the iPod-ish robot from Wall-E) and Sam.

These will be the last puppies birthed in this house-one of my few New year's resolutions is to get all the dogs fixed, lack of money be damned. As I told Jenner, I have this bizarre vision of Bob Barker showing up at my house accompanied by an angry mob, as well he should. It's irresponsible to let your pets go around breeding like canine trailer trash and I'm too refined and dignified for that...I am too, goddammit.

Yeah, yeah, none of you want a PSA. You want to see the puppies, don't you? I've only got a couple pictures so far (I didn't want anyone up in my face with a camera after I gave birth, I figure I can show Maggie the same courtesy. I told you-I'm class all the way), so they'll have to do for now.

Eve is the black and white spotted one, Sam is the shy brown and white one hiding under his Mama's leg.

Oblig. Xmas Music Post

Drifter in the Snow

You're the Laziest Man on Mars

I'm just not feeling Christmas this year. The economy is in the crapper, ain't got no money, it's like 70 degrees outside and I'm just in an all-around poopy mood. However, I soldier on 'cuz that's how I do what...

.....

Technical difficulties


Well, this was unexpected. About 15 minutes ago, I was informed by my daughter that my dog Pepper, a charming mix of Beagle and Steve McQueen, took an unplanned furlough from the backyard. We went to catch her and I have to say for a dog as tubby as she is, she's REALLY fast. I caught her, told H. to hold her collar while I ducked back under the barbwire fence that surrounds the property I had just trespassed upon aaaand she let her go. She took off, my lungs which have been ravaged by at least a decade of cigarette smoke said, "Fuck that noise" and we turned around and came home, sans our beloved fat little escape artist. So she's still on the lam and I'm Googling prices on Commit Lozenges.

But I started this post with the intent of finishing it and by gum, that's what I'm gonna do.

Where was I? Oh, Christmas. Yeah, it sucks this year, I'm over it, whatevs-doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm still in love with the IDEA of the holidays, even if I'm not expecting much out of them this year. But ask not what the holidays can do for you, ask what you can do for the holidays. Kennedy said that, I believe. He was probably drunk at a Christmas party or something, but I'd bet cash money that he did say it at some point-he was a stitch, that JFK.

You know what else is a stitch (and I'm sure we all see what I did there)? Mystery Science Theater 3000. I was poking around in my blog archives and I noticed that this is my third Christmas with this blog and I've never, ever posted this episode. I don't know why, because I love it like it was my own little child. Pia Zadora is in the featured movie and Joel and the Bots perform a song entitled "Lets Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas". Not to end on a down note, but that song is one of the reasons I'm posting this now. I don't reckon the Swayz' will be around next December, sadly and it just doesn't seem right posting a song like that when the subject...Well, you know.

Enough melancholy. Enjoy "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" and if you don't watch the whole movie, at least stick around for the kicky theme song, "Hooray for Santy Claus". It's a fun tune and sure to diminish any holiday ennui. I should listen to it myself.

AFTER I hunt down that fat little beast.

RIP

I know I'm the only Trekkie around these parts and most of you don't know this woman from Adam, but I'm posting this anyway. Take my word for it-she was awesome as Lwaxana Troi, so suck it up and pay your respects like good little non sci-fi geeks.

Majel Barrett Roddenberry, Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry's widow and a fixture of nearly every incarnation of the space travel franchise, died on Thursday. She was 76.

Roddenberry, who suffered from leukemia, died at home in Bel Air, Calif., according to a spokesperson.

Before Star Trek, the Ohio-born actress worked on a range of television shows, including Bonanza and Leave it to Beaver.

She was romantically involved with Roddenberry when he launched Star Trek in the mid-1960s. Though he cast her as the USS Enterprise's unnamed first officer in his pilot, she would go on to fame as the secondary character Nurse Chapel in the original series and in subsequent films. The couple married in 1969.

Roddenberry reappeared in the revamped Star Trek: The Next Generation as one of its beloved reoccurring characters: Betazoid ambassador Lwaxana Troi and as the voice of the starship's onboard computer — a job she would also hold on spin-offs Deep Space Nine and Voyager, audio books, animated series, video games as well as on the forthcoming J.J. Abrams prequel film.

After her husband's death in 1991, Roddenberry continued his legacy by helping bring to life other TV projects he had been working on, including the television series Earth: Final Conflict and Andromeda.

Roddenberry is survived by her son, Eugene Roddenberry Jr.

CBC

Dude, That's My Kitchen

Before I get goin' on this post, I'd like to not-so-randomly point out that standing by the side of one of only 2 main highways in a town, waiting to cross at 7:50am when it's 28 degrees outside and sleeting...Yeah, it's probably not the most economical use of time. And yes I did just do that. AND I have a cold-that should be worth some bonus points.

Enn-E-How..

This is how much of a slacker I am: I meant to post this thing last Christmas and I'm just getting around to it now. Sad! What it is, see, is this dude uploaded the pages from a bunch of Sears Wishbooks from the 70s and 80s onto Flickr. Now, if you're of a certain age and economic bracket like myself, Sears WAS Christmas when you were a kid. And if you're even more like me than that (there's a bracing notion to consider), as a child, you'd snatch that catalog up upon its arrival, grab a pen and commence to circling all the great and dangerous toys you wanted (I really had that kitchen. It was metal and pointy and painful when physically introduced to the body. None of this rounded, plastic crap for the kids of the 70s and 80s.) I've noticed Harper does the same thing when the flimsy-in-comparison Etoys catalog shows up at the house. Makes me all misty eyed.

Now, this guy has uploaded several years worth of Wishbooks and there's a lot of pages. Personally I'm partial to the 1979 and 1985 sets, but YMMV. To add a fun element to this, see if you can find the World's Tackiest Naked Lady Oil Lamp somewhere in there. My uncle gave that to my grandmother for Christmas back in the day and us grandkids would make her turn it on every time we came over. My grandmother hated that lamp and if it weren't for the chillun, I don't think that naked lady would have ever seen any action...

Well that didn't come out right. Bah, I'm leavin' it.

Flickr, Flickr Here you are...

Cuz I Wanna Hear it...

RIP

Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controverisal photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

Page suffered a heart attack last week in Los Angeles and never regained consciousness, her agent Mark Roesler said. Before the heart attack, Page had been hospitalized for three weeks with pneumonia.

"She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality," Roesler said. "She is the embodiment of beauty."

Page, who was also known as Betty, attracted national attention with magazine photographs of her sensuous figure in bikinis and see-through lingerie that were quickly tacked up on walls in military barracks, garages and elsewhere, where they remained for years.

Her photos included a centerfold in the January 1955 issue of then-fledgling Playboy magazine, as well as controversial sadomasochistic poses.

The latter helped contribute to her mysterious disappearance from the public eye, which lasted decades and included years during which she battled mental illness and became a born-again Christian...

AP

Let Me Out Myself as a Major League Sap...

I'll make this short. Last night, due to a shortage of House reruns, I ended up watching a movie-Four Weddings and a Funeral to be precise. Fabulous movie. And it has that scene in it. You know, when Simon Callow dies and John Hannah recites that W.H. Auden poem at his funeral...

Oh you better believe I cried.

I knew it was coming and I was fine at first, but when he hit that last stanza, I let out this gasping snort-like noise and my eyes started stinging. Then came the tears and the snot. It was nice.

Not to put too fine a point on it, I pretty much have to post the scene and might I add, I'm feeling damn guilty about it. See, etiquette dictates that when someone posts a video on a blog, the readers are obliged to watch it. Even if you're at work, around other people.

Don't worry though, you might not cry. And your coworkers, they may not mock you. Of course, if they do, just show them the scene. Then they might not cry, too.

Photo of the Day

OJ Simpson Gets at Least 15 Years in Prison

I'm not gonna ramble on and on about this-I don't care about OJ Simpson, he can rot in hell for all I care. But I have to say, I'm amazed and somewhat disheartened at how tickled everyone is over this. I get why they're happy: the abusive jackhole killed 2 people and got away with it, now we get our revenge. Yay, let's all hold hands and burn our Naked Gun DVDs.

I'm all for revenge, but I have a bit of an issue with subverting the legal system to procure it. Yes, he was involved in a robbery and that's very, very bad, but he didn't get 15 years in prison for THIS, he got it for THAT, and that ain't cool-no one gets 15 years for a robbery where no one got hurt. Let me reiterate: I think OJ Simpson is a murderous, lying stank weasel, if he gets repeatedly butt-raped in prison, I'll do Numfar's Dance of Joy. He's not important here and that's the point: he's not worth pissing all over the law just to satisfy our collective vengeance boner.

What happened today was not good. What's worse is no one seems to realize it or -more importantly- care.

RIP

So long Mr. Bentley...

Paul Benedict, the actor who played the English neighbor Harry Bentley on the sitcom "The Jeffersons," has died. He was 70.

Benedict was found dead Monday on Martha's Vineyard and his brother, Charles, said authorities were still investigating the cause of death.

Benedict began his acting career in the 1960s in the Theatre Company of Boston, alongside such future stars as Robert De Niro, Dustin Hoffman and Al Pacino.

Benedict went on to appear in a number of movies, including a role as the oddball director in "The Goodbye Girl" with Richard Dreyfuss. But he was mainly known for his role as Bentley in "The Jeffersons," which ran on CBS from 1975 to '85.

AP

From the Co-..Erm...FOR the COOK in Your Life

I came across (Baha!) this link a few weeks ago and bookmarked it with the intention of posting it at some point. Cut to me 2 weeks later cleaning out my bookmarks folder and calling myself a senile old bird for forgetting about it. But that's not important.

The important thing is that...Well, none of this is "important", it's just a cook book. A very nasty cook book. What makes it nasty? Do you want to know? Do you REALLY want to know? Really, REALLY?

I'll give you a hint: have you ever heard someone bite into something spicy and say "Wow, there's kind of a wang to it"? Well, my pure and delicate nature prevents me from elaborating any further. But to borrow a famous query from a great man, "Would you like to know more?", if so clicky on the piccy.

Wait, that wasn't a great man, Neil Patrick Harris said that in Starship Troopers...

PS: We Should be Together Too...

I heard this song last night for the first time since...Heck, I dunno, what year did it come out? Anyway, it's been lodged in my noodle all day, but I'm not posting it just to get the tune out of my head. it's more like an exorcism: it's a damn good song, but it's depressing the hell out of me. I don't need that, I can be morbid on my own, thankyouverymuch Eminem. Hmpf.

On the Subject of Turkeys...

It has recently come to my attention (like 5 minutes ago) that today is a very important day. Twenty years ago today, a television show premiered on KTMA in Minneapolis. Since I was way down here in Texas at the time, I missed out on this. However, 5 years after the fact due to some genius cable honcho deciding a few years prior that the show needed to be brought to the masses AND due to the fact that 1993 was the year my parents sprung for a big, honking, old school satellite dish, this show and I finally found each other. And it was good and there was much rejoicing. Yay.


Do you know what it is? Hmm?

I'm not telling. It's the holiday season, I'm feeling coy.

I will say this-I'm gonna post an episode. This is one of the earliest episodes, so it's a little different than the latter years. It's also not as good as the later ones, but this is a history lesson more than anything, you can fetch your entertainment elsewhere.

Arrrrrrrrgh!

I want this fucking thing outta my head RIGHT NOW. Oh god, please make it stop, I'll do anything. I'm sorry I stole that piece of butterscotch out of the bin at the store, I'll be good from now on, I promise.

Sob...

'Murrica, F*ck Yeah

I dozed off for about 45 minutes when I put Harper to bed and I woke up to this:



Now I'm watching McCain's concession speech. It's a great day.

Source

Yeah, No Drugs on THAT Set

I'm having a lazy weekend and I got a hankering to hear this song.

That's pretty much it.

You can go now.

Miscellaneous Crapola

Oh HAI! Um...

Forgive me Blogger, it's been eleven days since my last confession post. It's been one of those weeks, you know?

Last Saturday the school had their Fall Festival (AKA "The Artist Formerly Known As the Halloween Carnival Before Some Bitty Apparently Pitched a Fit and They Had to Change it" or TAFKatHCBSBAPaFaTHtCi for short. Or not.) My original intentions were for Harper to go as zombie Marie Antoinette, but there was a change of plans when she decided she didn't want to be the corpsified Dauphine of France, she just wanted to be the regular non-undead Dauphine. Behold:




I still say my way would have been way cooler.

So there was that, some other stuff, I got pneumonia and Harper had her 10th(!) birthday on Weds. We got her that Biscuit dog, the animatronic thingamadoodad. Harper loves it and while I was looking forward to some HI-Larious reactions from the dogs, they failed me. Honestly, this was the best I got:



Thanks Maggie, at least you tried.

That's about it I guess. Well, bye!

Oy.

Alright, yeah, I have TEH pneumonia. It's not too bad. I'm not even sure that's what it is, but I have had it before and both times it felt exactly like this. I've felt pretty crappy for a week now, and then today I woke up and it felt like Fat Bastard was sitting on my chest. I'm still debating over what I should do about it and my options are kinda limited. I'd go to the doctor, but my lack of insurance is kind of a hindrance. So it goes.

On the upside, if I don't croak before nightfall, I will be enjoying a quiet Halloween at home. I got candy for the little trick or treaters AND-this is the best part-there's a Herschell Gordon Lewis Double Feature on TCM late fri/early sat. My intentions are to get whacked out on Nyquil and have a grand, gory time. If I gotta croak, I'm gonna do it my way. And if I don't happen to expire, I'll try post about the movies some time this weekend. WHOOP!

Cough...

Kidding. I can barely tell I'm sick at all, it's more like a little tickle than anything.

Happy Halloween, children!

Cough, Cough...

Cheeks.

As you may have been able to glean by now, I've sort of crapped out with the movie posts. What can I say? I haven't even really watched any movie at all lately, much less paid enough attention to write about one. I think the last movie I watched was 'Perfect Stranger' with Halle Berry and Bruce Willis, which, while not very good, was neither a horror movie, nor truly bad enough to be considered scary.

En Eee Weigh, I do have some scariness to impart upon you all. Is it Tara Reid's ass?

Noooo.

Is it the fact that This woman is legally entitled to vote?

Nope.

It's this little boy. I can't in good conscience make fun of a child-I'm not that much of an asshole. But I will say that he creeps me the hell out, which could be construed as a compliment. Congrats, cheeky young man.

Photo of the Day

Less than a month to go, people. Choose wisely...

Wrongest Doll Evar

Okay, like, so Harper's sick so I haven't had a chance to watch anything, hence no new movie posts. Fine, that's only partly true. She is sick (as in, she got sick last night and is better today, mostly), but the reason there's been no new posts is because I'm a lazy sack. In my defense, I've never tried to hide the fact that I'm a total slug, so the blame falls on anyone who's expected something more from me. In sum: it's YOUR fault I haven't posted anything, not mine. My logic is a bit peculiar, but it works for me. You'll accept it and by god you'll like it.

I've taken time out of our iCarly marathon (Harper likes it, not me. I've never watched it voluntarily or anything...Who are you to judge me?) to give you a semi-spooky post. "Spooky" may be overstating things but it's definitely creepy and just plain odd. Dolls that use the terlet are weird enough, but this one is in a league by itself.

And Be There When I Feed The Tree...

It's October. You know what that means? It means I have my first sinus infection of the season, that's what that means. It also means that it's time for my Scary Movies Thingamabob, but since it's my blog and I wanna talk about me, my grave illness takes precedent over some stupid movie. Memememememe.

Sigh.

All right, I know you don't care the fact that I'm at death's door, you selfish bitches, so I'll give you what you came for. What is our first horror movie this time 'round? Welp:





Yes, that's right: Judgment at Nuremberg.

NO! Silly...

I actually meant to post about Poltergeist back when I was doing the 80s movies doohickey during the summer, but I never got around to it. God, Poltergeist scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. I remember my mom telling me "Watch it with us-it's not scary, it's good". She was half-right and the other half...Well, I thought my mother was always honest with me, but now I see that she was really a big lying McLiar from Lietown.

I guess for an adult it's not scary, but to a little 7 year old who still slept with the lights on? For the 2 Amish people reading this who've never seen it (and wtf are Amish people doing reading a blog? Go back to your barn raising, Ezekiel!), Poltergeist is the story of a fairly cool couple (played by Craig T. Nelson-aka Tv's "Coach"-and the lovely Jobeth Williams) and their three children, (played by...Well we'll get to that in a minute.) They live in a nifty house and are in the process of having a pool put in the back yard. They hang out, watch the game with the neighbors, have funerals for dead pets, spark up the occasional doobie, fall asleep in front of the Tv; no big whoop.

Then things start getting a little hinky. First off, their youngest starts talking back to the television. I don't mean like "Girl, don't go in there, the killer is behind the door!", I mean she's asking the TV questions and acting like it's answering her-it's totally unsettling. Then the dinette set starts rearranging itself and the silverware goes all Uri Gellar on them. It's cute.

At first.

Then one night, the creepy tree outside the two youngest kids' bedroom decides it wants to chow down on TV's Coach and the lovely Jobeth Williams' son. While they're off trying to extract him, the TV talker gets sucked into the closet and disappears and it's all a great big clusterfuck. They decide that perhaps they'd like their little girl back, so TV's Coach enlists the aid of some paranormal investigators and they have the world's least fun slumber party.

They do what they can to help, but apart from just looking at some angelic specter with their mouths agape, eating some nasty, nasty looking foodstuffs, and talking to the little girl through the TV, they aren't of much use. So they call in the big gun:



Ahh, Tangina. Would that you could clean MY house.

Not to spoil the Amish, but with the aid of some tennis balls, rope and the lovely Jobeth Williams, they manage to extricate the little girl from the closet. Tangina declares the house safe once more and they go on about their business.

Tv's Coach and the lovely Jobeth Williams (now with 25% more grey hair) decide to pack it in and move to less intrusive quarters. TV's Coach goes off to tie up some loose ends at work and Jobeth and the two youngest kids stay behind, with the intent of sacking out at the Holiday Inn when daddy gets home. Everything is all nice and cozy, the kids are in bed and the lovely Jobeth retreats to the bathroom to tackle her newfound greys.

Yeah the house ain't having none of that nonsense.

It starts with the clown doll. The boy, Robbie, has a clown doll in his room that is less than not creepy looking. He usually tosses a jacket over it before going to sleep. He tries to toss the jacket and misses. He shrugs it off and tries to go to sleep. He looks up and notices that, hey, the clown doll has relocated. But to where? Yeah, that fucking thing attacked his ass and as a child it scared me silly. I thought Pennywise was the genesis of my clown fear, but no, I had blocked Poltergeist clown out of my mind.

At that point, the closet door opens up again and everything goes haywire once more. The lovely Jobeth is dragged all over the bedroom, I mean up the ceiling, the walls-everywhere. She does the proper mom thing and goes to save the children, but some big old ghostly looking skeleton dealybopper is blocking her entrance. So she goes outside to get help from the neighbors who surely would think nothing of the crazy lady in her nightgown asking for them to chip in as volunteer Ghostbusters. She slips and falls into the unfinished pool and the source of their house issues become apparent: the genius real estate developer whom TV's Coach works for built the damn thing over an old cemetery and the inhabitants are rightly pissed. Due to some rain and the whole "house is going to eat you" thing, the bodies are popping up like fishing bobbers and the whole thing is very gross and creepy.

With no help from the neighbors, the lovely Jobeth goes back into the house and finally manages to remove her children. TV's Coach finally shows up and they jump in the car and hightail it to the Holiday Inn. Not for nothing, TV's Coach shoves the television outside, presumably so they don't have to watch Coach.

It's a great movie and I'm glad I decided to watch it again after all these years. One thing bothered me, and it's a minor, nerdy complaint. Steven Speilberg is listed as the writer and as producer of the film. Tobe Hooper, who directed the light-hearted romp "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" is listed as the film's director. Yeah, no. Despite all the creepiness and the ghosts and clown dolls from hell, Poltergeist has a decidedly Speilberg quality to it-a certain sense of whimsy and wonder and stuff like that. Tobe Hooper doesn't make whimsical movies and it's my uneducated opinion that, for whatever reason, Steven Speilberg directed this movie and then lied about it. I may be wrong, I don't care. If someone wants to sue me for saying it, fine. I have no money, you'll be laughed out of court. Suck it.

I hate to end on a down note, but I'm gonna. They're remaking it. No word on who's gonna play what, but if I had a kid who was an actor, no way in hell would I let them be in it. Another downer: Poltergeist has something of a Curse attached to it. Most notably, Heather O'Rourke who played young Carol Anne (the TV talker) died at age 12 from septic shock; Dominique Dunne who played the oldest child was murdered at age 22 by her boyfriend. Not one for believing curses and stuff, but I don't like to tempt fate either. I'm careful like that.

I'm obviously doing these horror movie posts a little differently than I did last year, but for funsies I reckon I'll still put up the little Amazon link. It's just a minor service I provide when I can't think of any other way to end a post.

FIN.

:(

RIP

Lulz

I have to say, I've never been a big fan of Roger Ebert. He's never done anything to me personally, but I'm enough of a nerd that if I don't agree with someone's opinion of a film, I have it in me to loathe them. I'm just that petty, it's true. However since his battle with thyroid cancer, he's starting to grow on me. I guess when someone is faced with their own mortality, they either get all gloom and doomy or they lighten up. 'Ol Rog seems to have opted for the latter and based on what I'm about to post and a couple of other things he's said and done recently, he's achieved the near impossible and become one of the rare people in the world who've gone from my shit list to my "Eh, They're OK, I Guess" list.

What prompted this unforeseen change? His response to an unwieldy reader question in a column entitled Answer Man

Q. Yo dude, u missed out on "Disaster Movie," a hardcore laugh-ur-@zz-off movie! Y U not review this movie!? It was funny as #ell! Prolly the funniest movie of the summer! U never review these, wat up wit dat?
S.J. Stanczak, Chicago

A. Hey, bro, I wuz buzier than $#i+, @d they never shoed it b4 hand. I peeped in the IMDb and saw it zoomed to #1 as the low$ie$t flic of all time, wit @ lame-@zz UZer Rating of 1.3. U liked it? Wat up wit dat?

I doff my chapeau to you, snarky movie watching man.

On a related note, I will be starting up my October Horror Movie Thingamabob soon (aren't you excited? I am!), so if anyone has any film recommendations, I'll be glad to take them under advisement. I may or may not disregard them once I take them under advisement, but that's the risk you take with me.

For a refresher, These here are the ones I did last October.

Let the countdown to October Horror Movie Thingamabob 2008 begin!

God, I Wish This Was Real

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu*k

I got the lazies lately, and a tad of the busies and a little ennui (but not too much, I'm cool). And some other stuff I don't want to get into. I really don't have the energy to post anything other than a video. Feh.

RIP

Jerry Reed, a singer who became a good ol' boy actor in car chase movies like "Smokey and the Bandit," has died of complications from emphysema at 71.

His longtime booking agent, Carrie Moore-Reed, no relation to the star, said Reed died early Monday.

"He's one of the greatest entertainers in the world. That's the way I feel about him," Moore-Reed said.

Reed was a gifted guitarist who later became a songwriter, singer and actor.

As a singer in the 1970s and early 1980s, he had a string of hits that included "Amos Moses," "When You're Hot, You're Hot," "East Bound and Down" and "The Bird."

In the mid-1970s, he began acting in movies such as "Smokey and the Bandit" with Burt Reynolds, usually as a good ol' boy. But he was an ornery heavy in "Gator," directed by Reynolds, and a hateful coach in 1998's "The Waterboy," starring Adam Sandler...

Cont.

Welcome to the Party, Pal

Monday is September first and it also happens to be Labor Day. Labor Day is the unofficial end of summer as you may have heard, so I'm taking that as my cue to wrap up the 80s movies posts. I meant to post more often than I did this summer, but you know what they say: best laid plans of mice and men, blah blah blah, something about rabbits and a big retarded guy.

Anyhow, I had three movies left that I considered posting about. One was Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The only problem there was I only remember snippets of it (Jennifer Jason Leigh screwing that oily guy in the pool house and getting an abortion and Phoebe Cates' boobs being my most notable memories. And Mr. Hand, I loved Mr. Hand) and I didn't feel like watching it again. I think the blog header is sufficient.

Another choice was E.T. but I just wasn't feeling it. I loved E.T. and I remember it vividly, but my heart just isn't in it right now. I'd get to talking about it, start thinking of that damn flower dying and coming back to life at the end and I'd cry and then I'd get a headache and it's my birthday for christ's sake, I don't need that crap.

So I went with my third choice, which incidentally is my favorite out of the three movies. Matter of fact, it's probably my favorite action movie of all time, which isn't saying much because I don't really like action movies as a rule. I don't dislike the genre, but it's not my favorite. But this one I love. "This" being...



'Die Hard' from 1988

Featuring the acting talents of: Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, Bonnie Bedelia, Reginald VelJohnson, William Atherton, Alexander Godunov and Clarence Gilyard Jr.

Genre: I done told you it was an action movie.

Plot: Cop goes to the worst Christmas party EVAR. Cuz there's terrorists there and stuff. Just wanted to be clear.

Yippee ki-what??: To fully appreciate Die Hard you have to consider the state of action films in the 1980s. Things took a downturn after the renegade film making of the late 60s and the 70s. The bulk of the first half of the 80s was spent in fear of the Russians, so we got stuff like 'Red Dawn'. You can cry "WOLVERINES!" at the top of your lungs as much as you like, it doesn't change the fact that 'Red Dawn' was a piece of doodoo. Then towards the mid-80s, America's emerging hate-on for the Middle East began and we were presented with stuff like 'Delta Force'. 'Delta Force' was fronted by Chuck Norris, whom I cannot stand, so the less I say there the better.

In both films (just to use them as examples indicative of the genre as a whole. My, that's a snooty sentence), the villains were just flat-out evil, with no character development to speak of. The heroes were boring and white bread with zero personality. We were supposed to accept that the foreigners were bad and the white folks were good, and we had to root for the good guy, even if he was kind of twatty.

Then in 1988, we were presented with that fuzzy haired guy from 'Moonlighting' as a hero for the modern age and quite frankly, he was pretty good. John McClane was funny, reasonably intelligent and bless his heart, a major smart ass. He didn't want to fight terrorists on his vacation, he just wanted to make up with his estranged wife and see his kids during the holidays. But hey, a bunch of Germans take your wife and her coworkers hostage during a party, you gotta do something, I guess.

Yes, Germans. You might think that making the bad guys German might be kind of a big throwback (although, "No one who speaks German could be an evil man"), but WAIT! Could it be that the head bad guy German was kinda not so bad? Admittedly, the rest of his henchman were kinda meh, but I could not bring myself to hate Alan Rickman's character. It might have to do with the fact that he was massively hot in this, but that's not the main reason. He too, was smart and kind of snarky, albeit evil as hell (you know how the bad guy says he's gonna count to three and then shoot the guy and never does? He did). So the smart and snarky thing coupled with the hot and evil thing, yeah, I liked Alan Rickman in this a WHOLE LOT. Like REALLY a LOT. Like I kinda wanna watch it right NOW a lot...

In short: Die Hard=s'good. Alan Rickman=s'hot.

Where they at?:

Bruce Willis has about 5 movies in the works, including a possible role in a remake of the "A-Team". Jesus wept.

Bonnie Bedelia stars in the upcoming "Sordid Lives: The Series". I totally need to see the movie that's based on. Remind me to hit Netflix when I get done here.

Reginald VelJohnson has 2 films in post-production. Of course he will forever be remembered as Carl WInslow on 'Family Matters', which I lapped up like chocolate covered crack back in the day. God, I was a stupid teenager.

William Atherton will appear in the fall tv series "Strokes" and just finished a voice-over for the new 'Ghostbusters' video game. He, of course, will be remembered as the asshole from "Real Genius".

Alan Rickman has 4 movies in the works, two of which are Harry Potter movies. Nice work if you can get it.

Alexander Godunov passed away in 1995.

Clarence Gilyard Jr. used to be on "Walker Texas Ranger", but hasn't been in much since it went off the air. His role in Die Hard was fairly minor, I just include him because I saw him once when I was in Dallas. Harper was in the hospital there and I was eating lunch in the cafeteria. I looked up as he was walking by and I went "Hey, it's the guy from that shitty Chuck Norris show". I don't think he heard me, but I felt kinda bad because he seemed like a nice guy, talking and shaking hands with everyone that came up to him. So, Clarence, if you heard me, I apologize. In my defense, I was giddy because I found out Harper was being released that day. Besides, it's not your fault the show sucked, it's Chuck Norris's, who as I may have mentioned, I cannot stand.

You know the drill

The Frogman

This isn't what I had intended when I said I'd make a new post, but whatareyagonnado, ya know? I think it's best not to explain this so just Click. It's worth it, I swear.

Do You Wanna Die...

I may or may not post this afternoon or tomorrow, depending on a number of factors. I'd try to be more vague than that, but I don't know if I can. To tide you over until then, you can listen to this. I woke up with this in my head, which may or may not mean something.

Maybe.

(It doesn't.)

Goodbye Boss Man. It's Quittin' Time

Harper goes back to school in approximately four hours and I'm starting to feel sane again (and wide awake. But sane) so we now return to your scheduled program already in progress.

Today's movie is:



1980's "Nine to Five"

Starring: Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton and Dabney Coleman.

Genre: Comedy

Plot: A godless hippie (so sayeth my dad), a country singer and a comedienne kidnap their crummy boss so's they can get some work done.

Sisters are doin' it for themselves: Oh I just adore this movie. It's hilarious and it's one of my favorite movies from when I was a kid. I re-watched it a month or so ago for the first time in years and it hit me that women still have a long way to go in the workplace (I knew that already, it just hit me AGAIN is what I mean to say). It's depressing that the changes they made in the office after they kidnapped the old bastard are still fairly uncommon today, 28 years later. A lot of women still slave away for long hours and pay astronomical daycare fees, so in a lot of ways for a lot of people, 9 to 5 is practically a science fiction movie.

Bummer.

I reckon the thing that stood out to me the most in this movie was the fantasy sequence. At one point Lily Tomlin's character scores a joint from her son (the 80s were a different time, you see) and she and Jane and Dolly get baked and talk about how they've daydreamed of disposing of the boss. Dolly's fantasy is sort of a cowgirl-type deal. Jane's has a safari motif and Lily's...Well, I liked Lily's the best:



I think the cartoons were what put it over the top for me.

Where are they now?:

Jane Fonda came out of retirement in 2005 and has been in 2 films since then. She's also a total floozy. You get up offa my man, Jane Fonda!

Lily Tomlin has a movie in the works called "Sweet Baby Jesus" which intrigues me.

Dolly Parton is still singing her little heart out and will soon appear in-GASP-the Hannah Montana movie.

Dabney Coleman still pops up in various movies and tv shows, none of which will ever live up to the creepy badness of This. If any of you ever find that on DVD, I want-nay-I NEED to have it. Nevermind. Woo-hoo!

You can spend your hard-earned cash on 9 to 5 Here

You Guys Got crabs! That's What They Called Them in My Day. You Young People.

Quick one today because Harper is gone and I want to enjoy the silence (all I ever wanted, all I ever needed):



"The Last American Virgin" from 1982

Starring: Lawrence Monoson, Diane Franklin and Steve Antin.

Genre: Comedy

Plot: Goofy teen sex comedy about a guy who wants to lose his virginity. At least it starts out that way...

So now I come to you, with open aaaaarms: I saw this movie once over 20 years ago. My brother was babysitting me and I conned him into letting me watch this because I felt like if I watched it, I'd be getting away with something-ah to be a kid in the 80s with cable tv. Only time I've seen it, yet it stayed with me because it took a huge turn halfway and the ending was such a bummer. I'm relying on my increasingly decrepit memory here, but I'll try to sum it up. Spoilers? On my blog? It's more likely than you think.

The first hour of the movie is fairly generic teens-trying-to-get-laid stuff. It's a nice nerdy guy and his cool buddies and the coolest of the buddies knocks up his girlfriend. Cool buddy doesn't want a pregnant girlfriend so he dumps her. Nice nerdy guy really likes pregnant girl so he's all supportive and takes care of her after she gets an abortion. He ends up falling head over heels for her and tells her so and it's all so sweet and there's Journey playing in the background. It's lovely.

But then...

Nice nerdy guy buys her a bracelet (I think it was a bracelet, not totally sure). He's going to give her this bracelet at a party and it's going to be wonderful and they'll live happily ever after or some such. No. Nice nerdy guy spots formerly pregnant girl making out with cool buddy at the party. They're back together and he's standing there with a bracelet in his hand like an asshole. The end.

WHAT THE HELL?! That's not funny! I don't think the guy even got laid so as far as I know, he's STILL the last virgin in America.

Holy christ.

Where are they now?:

Who cares? I'm too depressed to look it up.

Pffft.

And Confront Him You Will

Today's movie:



1983's "Return of the Jedi"

Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, Ian McDiarmid, and Alec Guinness.

Genre: Science Fiction

Plot: There's this fat blobby bad guy and some teddy bear things and a little old short dude dies and a chick in a gold bikini and a guy who hates his dad like a whole LOT...

It's a trap!: It feels weird posting about this movie alone since it's part of a trilogy (1-3 don't exist to me). I should post about Empire Strikes Back first, but RotJ feels more like an 80s movie to me than ESB does. Anyway.

I saw Star Wars for the first time about a year before this came out. I was about 6 or 7 and it blew my little butt away. It's rare when a person can actually pinpoint the moment in time when they made the transformation from normal person to nerd, but I can. After that, I set about acquiring every piece of Star Wars related crap I could get my hands on and when RotJ came out, there were a few days where this was the only thing out of my mouth: "MomcanIgoseeReturnoftheJedi? MomcanIgoseeReturnoftheJedi?"

I ended up seeing it twice in the theater, which believe me, even at that age was a big deal because I hate going to the movies. At that time, I liked it even more than Star Wars, despite the Ewoks. I knew my mind wasn't right at a young age because the girls in my class who had been forced to see it lost their shit over the cute little bastards. Me, I was crazy about the first act, the one with Jabba the Hutt.

It was SO COOL to me and I didn't know why. Some obese slimy creature and his mutant pals and a half-naked woman that I cared nothing about-why did the whole thing appeal to me so much? It took me a long time to figure it out and now I know-I liked it because it was like a PG-rated Caligula. It was all so sordid and gross and forbidden. People being eaten, shady deals going on in the shadows, captive women, revenge-not only was a I nerd at a young age, I was apparently well on my way to becoming a pervert because I wanted to MOVE there and live with the mutants and the freaks and the criminals. Ewoks? Screw cute, give me ugly any day.

My Star Wars junk is long gone and I'm not as big a fan of it as I once was, but I'll always have a place for it in my heart. My dark, twisted, perverted heart.

Where are they now?:

Mark Hamill does voice-over work, most notably as the Joker on "Batman: The Animated Series".

Harrison Ford is Harrison Ford. He's a little aged, but he was still pretty hot in the last Indiana Jones movie.

Carrie Fisher writes and still acts. She has 2 movies in various stages of completion.

Billy Dee Williams has two movies in post-production.

Ian McDiarmid is currently filming a tv movie where he plays the husband of former British PM Margaret Thatcher.

Alec Guinness became more powerful than you could possibly imagine in August of 2000. RIP.

You can get it Here. That includes both the good version and the "WTF was George Lucas thinking?!" version from a few years back.

RIP

Soul singer and arranger Isaac Hayes, who won Grammy awards and an Oscar for the theme from the 1971 action film "Shaft," has died, sheriff's officials in Memphis, Tennessee, reported Sunday.

Relatives found Hayes, 65, unconscious in his home next to a still-running treadmill, said Steve Shular, a spokesman for the Shelby County Sheriff's Department.

Paramedics attempted to revive him and took him to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead shortly after 2 p.m., the sheriff's department said.

No foul play is suspected, the agency said in a written statement.

Hayes was a longtime songwriter and arranger for Stax Records in Memphis, playing in the studio's backup band and crafting tunes for artists such as Otis Redding and Sam and Dave in the 1960s.

He released his first solo album in 1967, and his 1969 follow-up, "Hot Buttered Soul," became a platinum hit.

In 1971, the theme from "Shaft" topped the Billboard Hot 100 for two weeks and won an Academy Award for best original theme song. The song and the movie score also won Grammy awards for best original score and movie theme.

Hayes won a third Grammy for pop instrumental performance with the title track to his 1972 "Black Moses" album.

From the late 1990s through 2006, Hayes provided the voice of "Chef" for Comedy Central's raunchy animated series "South Park," as well as numerous songs.


The role introduced him to a new generation of fans, but he left after the show lampooned his own religion, the Church of Scientology.

He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2002.

CNN



Ah heck why not:

RIP

CHICAGO (AP) — A publicist says Emmy and Golden Globe nominated actor and comedian Bernie Mac has died at age 50.

Publicist Danica Smith says Bernie Mac died early Saturday at a hospital in the Chicago area of complications due to pneumonia.

The comedian suffered from sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body's organs, but he had said the condition went into remission in 2005. He recently had been hospitalized and treated for pneumonia.

Mac had starring roles in "Ocean's Eleven," "Bad Santa," "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" and "Transformers."

The comedian drew critical and popular acclaim with his Fox television series "The Bernie Mac Show," which aired more than 100 episodes from 2001 to 2006.

AP

Praise Marty Moose! Holy Sh*t!

Today's movie is:



1983's "Vacation"

Starring: Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Imogene Coca, Randy Quaid, Anthony Michael Hall, Dana Barron, Eddie Bracken and John Candy.

Genre: Comedy

Plot: Hapless family man takes his brood on a cross country road trip. Hijinks be ensuin'.

Best laid plans: Vacation is an hilarious movie. You've got the dead aunt on the top of the car, the dog pissing all over the food, the hick cousins (including a young Jane Krakowski as French kissing, pot growing Vicki), the dad strong-arming his way into Wally World with a bb gun. And those white shoes. Goddamn those shoes. But it's really kinda sweet too...

The Griswolds weren't the only family that took a trip in '83. That was the year that my family went on our first official vacation, which consisted of one week in Galveston, Tx. It was me, my parents and my older brother, Shane.

The car ride lasted about twelve hours and was fairly quiet, save for the periodic screams of "Mom! Shane wiped a booger on me!". Or "Mom! Make her move over! She's touching me again!". My mom chain smoked the whole twelve hours, creating a kind of Cheech and Chong cloud around the car. Her smoking increased to an astronomical rate when we got to Houston (during rush hour no less) while my 15-year-old, freshly-learners-permitted brother was driving and we couldn't pull over.

The actual vacation itself was fairly mundane. The most notable thing that happened was when my cop father tried to break up a dispute between some thuggy redneck and his woman while we were on our way to see 'Return of the Jedi'. Otherwise we visited the beach and various tourist traps while my mom nursed the sunburn from hell. Really, my vacation in '83 had jack all in common with the movie. Except for one thing, which brings me back to my original point.

The Griswolds would have never made it to Wally World if Clark hadn't been an insane, stubborn, loving maniac, nor would OUR vacation have been possible had my mother not been a headstrong, determined, loving maniac. The trip put her and my dad in the hole for quite some time and the sunburn she got on the trip made her sick as a dog, but she saw it through to the end and we had a blast. And by the time we went home, my brother and I even managed to stop trying to kill each other. For a while anyway.

So my point is, while 'Vacation' is funny as hell, if you can stop laughing long enough to notice, there's also a little something something in there about the lengths you'll go to for family. If you're a maniac.



Where are they now?:

Chevy Chase has a couple of movies in the works. He and Beverly D'Angelo recently re-prised their roles as Clark and Ellen on the Star Wars episode of Family Guy.

Beverly D'Angelo has three movies in the can and appeared in 'Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay'. Can I just take this opportunity to say how terrific she was as Patsy Cline in 'Coal Miner's Daughter'? I can? Cool.


Imogene Coca, Eddie Bracken and John Candy left for that big Wally World in the sky in 2001, 2002 and 1994, respectively.

Randy Quaid's most recent notable role was in 'Brokeback Mountain'. He's also been known to rock the Maude Findlay look on occasion. All bound for muu muu land...

I said this in another post recently, but it could stand to be repeated: Anthony Michael Hall is in 'The Dark Knight'. Swear to god, I saw him with my own two eyes.

Dana Barron recently completed 'The Invited' a horror movie that stars Pam Grier.

You can purchase Vacation Here.

Voltaire-"Brains!"

I wish I could find the clip of the Billy and Mandy episode, but the YouTubes have failed me.

Why Don't You Call Me Some Time When You Have No Class?

Today's movie is:



1986' "Back To School"

Starring-Rodney Dangerfield, Sally Kellerman, Burt Young, Keith Gordon, Robert Downey Jr., Paxton Whitehead, Terry Farrell and William Zabka.

Genre-Comedy

Plot-Crazy old guy goes to college so he can help his nerdy student son.

That'll learn ya-I never cared for Rodney Dangerfield, but I've always liked this movie. When I was younger, it was because I had a crush on Keith Gordon (the first in a long line of nerd crushes) and I was transfixed by Robert Downey Jr.'s Hair. Plus it was just really stupid and funny and it had William Zabka in it, the gold standard in 80s film douchebags.

As I've gotten older, I still appreciate the sames things I liked about it as a child. Of course now when I watch it, my favorite thing is something that went over my head back then:



Excuse me while I have a massive nerdgasm.

Where are they now?:

Rodney Dangerfield is now lacking respect in the afterlife, since 2004.

Sally Kellerman occasionally acts, but mostly seems to do voice-over work, which she's really suited to. God, I wish I had her voice.

Burt Young has a couple of movies in the works. I used to like him until he played a rapist on a particularly grisly Law and Order episode. I don't care that he's not actually a rapist himself, I can't get past it and he totally creeps me out now. Sorry Burt.

Keith Gordon is directing these days. He's also bald, which I didn't know til today.

Robert Downey Jr. seems to be doing allright for himself. Two movies in post-production and "Tropic Thunder" (you know, the one where he's black) comes out on the 13th.

Paxton Whitehead sometimes pops up on the teevee, but apparently has a very healthy career on the stage.

Terry Farrell retired from acting in 2003 and is now a full-time stay at home mother.

William Zabka still acts and was nominated for an Oscar a few years back for a short film he wrote and produced. Whatevs. "SWEEP THE LEG, JOHNNY!"

You can get it Here

Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?

Today's movie is:



1986's 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'

Starring: Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sara, Jeffrey Jones, Jennifer Grey, Edie McClurg and Cindy Pickett. Directed by John Hughes.

Genre: Comedy

The whatsit: Smart-alleck boy blows off school (again) and spends the day farting around in Chicago.

Niiiine tiiiimes: This has to be one for the books-John Hughes made a movie and after seeing it at least two dozen times over the years, I still can't find a damn thing wrong with it. Get me mah smellin' salts.

I'm not the only one. I remember going to visit my grandfather when I was eleven or so and one day while we were there, me, my mom and Louise, (my step-grandmother) went to town and rented some movies. I got this and Louise rented Hannah and Her Sisters. If you haven't seen Hannah and Her Sisters, in it Woody Allen's character is convinced he has a brain tumor. Well, see, my grandad actually DID have a brain tumor (which eventually killed him, not to get all morbid) so he didn't much care for Hannah or her sisters or Woody Allen and he wasn't too thrilled with Louise either that night. But the next day, he watched Ferris with me and we laughed our asses off.

Me-1, Louise-0

I didn't get to spend much time with my grandfather since he lived far away, so that's a nice little memory I've been able to carry around. Thanks Ferris. Thanks John Hughes.

As for the actual movie, I loved Cameron, Principal Rooney, the Museum scene, Kristy Swanson's explanation of why Ferris is absent:

"Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."

Edie McClurg's rationale as to why Ferris can get away with murder:

"Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude. "

And just pretty much the whole damn movie. S'good.

Where are they now?:

Matthew Broderick has two movies in post-production and spends a good chunk of his time on Broadway.

Alan Ruck recently completed three movies. He was 29 years old when he played Cameron. I did not know that.

Mia Sara is on the television show "Tinseltown".

Jeffrey Jones...Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. His last film role was in "Who's Your Caddy?" and it doesn't look like he has much else on his plate for the future. Idiot. Such a waste.

Jennifer Grey and her newish nose can currently be seen in 'Redbelt'.

Edie McClurg pops up all the time and has a film in post-production titled 'Holyman Undercover" which co-stars Fred Willard and Clint Howard. Wow.

Cindy Pickett is another one of those "Oh, HER" type-people and appears in various films and tv show guest spots.

Also, this is more for me than anyone else, but Richard Edson, the garage attendant that took Cameron's dad's car for a joyride was the original drummer for Sonic Youth. Some trivia for you to do with as you wish.

You can grab it Here.

Waterlogged

I took Harper to Splash Kingdom, a semi-local water park yesterday and I am dead tired. I will be taking a brief vacay from the blog, just for a couple days. I am otherwise fine and actually had a great time yesterday, despite a wardrobe mishap on one of those big-ass slides (not THAT kind of wardrobe mishap) and having my game stifled by my player hater daughter. I love her to death, but DAMN.

I have nothing more to add, so I leave you with a photo I took yesterday of Harper on the glow-in-the-dark mini golf course. I don't care how old I get, I will never not think glow-in-the-dark stuff isn't neat.

Earworm

Don't ask.

Edwina's Insides Were a Rocky Place Where My Seed Could Find No Purchase

Quick one today:



1987's 'Raising Arizona'

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Holly Hunter, Trey Wilson, John Goodman, William Forsythe, Sam McMurray, Frances McDormand and Randall 'Tex' Cobb. Directed by Joel Coen.

Genre: Comedy

The what: Charming white trash couple kidnap a baby to raise as their own.

I LOVE HIM SO-HO MU-UCH: Much the same way Edwina feels about baby Ed, I love this movie sooooo much. In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a long-time Coen brothers nerd, so I'm a little biased. Even if I wasn't, I'd still say that RA is comedy gold and will likely stand the test of time. It's got arseloads of quotable lines (including the post title, which is one of my favorite lines of all time), a fab cast and it's just goofy and fun as hell. It's also got this scene, which I love almost as much as I do my own child:



All told, I give Raising Arizona 5 out of 5 babies.



Where my homies at?:

Nicolas Cage has-in my opinion-rested on his laurels since he won the Academy Award for 'Leaving Las Vegas'. What's the deal with people winning Oscars and piddling their careers away on shitty action movies? National Treasure-wtf was that about? Blech. Anyway, the former Mr. Coppola has eight movies going.

Holly Hunter has one movie in pre-production and stars on the television show 'Saving Grace'.

John Goodman, William Forsythe and Sam McMurray have 13 movies in the works between them. You can probably guess who has the lions share of that total.

Frances McDormand recently finished filming 'Burn After Reading', which looks awesome.

Trey Wilson died of a cerebral hemorrhage in 1989.

Randall 'Tex' Cobb seems to have been M.I.A. for awhile, but will soon appear in an action/comedy that stars Willie Nelson. Allrighty then.

Kidnap buy a copy Here

RIP

I mentioned this in the post below, but Estelle Getty has made me laugh for over two-thirds of my life. If anyone deserves their own post, it's her.

Goodbye Sophia.

Estelle Getty, who played meddling mother Sophia on "The Golden Girls," died Tuesday morning. She was 84.

Getty, who suffered from advanced dementia, died around 5:30 a.m. Tuesday at her Hollywood Boulevard home, said her son, Carl Gettleman of Santa Monica.

Getty won an Emmy Award in 1988 for her portrayal of the feisty octogenarian. For her role as Sophia, Getty also notched a Golden Globe Award in 1986. She also received an American Comedy Award.

Getty co-starred on "Golden Girls" from 1985-92 and reprised the tart-tongued Sophia on four other TV series: "The Golden Palace," "Nurses," "Empty Nest" and "Blossom." Getty was two months younger than Arthur, but the illusion of her age was maintained through makeup, costume and her deportment...

Cont.

Switcher!

Today's movie:



1987's 'Mannequin'

Starring: Andrew McCarthy, Kim Cattrall, Estelle Getty, James Spader, G.W. Bailey and Meshach Taylor.

Genre: Comedy

Plot: Creepy window dresser falls in love with...I just can't. Read the title, look at the picture-you can figure it out.

Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim Cattrall: This wasn't what I had planned to post about. Last week, I started a post about 'Poltergeist'. While I was writing it, I decided I wanted to see it again, because it had been awhile. Since I decided to watch it, I figured I'd wait until after I saw it to do the post. Then I ended up not watching it. I had some free time this evening, saw that 'Mannequin' was on cable and DID end up watching THAT. My priorities are all kinds of screwy.

So anyway, 'Mannequin'. I hadn't seen it since I was about twelve years old and at that time, I thought it was funny. Stupid, but funny. After I got a little older, I decided that it was utter crap and I must have been half retarded for thinking anything about it was entertaining. After watching it now I, well, how can I put this delicately so that I don't look like a complete simpleton...

I didn't not NOT hate it.

Unless I fall off the wagon and into a bottle of Vicodin, I will never say that it's a good movie. But maybe it was watching Andrew McCarty make out with an inanimate object that had more life in its eyes than he does. Maybe it was James Spader trying to play for broad laughs. Perhaps it was Meshach Taylor playing one of the biggest gay caricatures in film history. Or it may very well have been a nostalgic fever brought on by seeing a replica of a late 80s department store, complete with crappy clothes and an overabundance of pink neon lights. Whatever it was, I managed to control the urge to lunge for the remote, and when you're talking about a movie like this, that's like high praise.

Before I forget, I have to mention Kim Cattrall. I want to hate Kim Cattrall. I should hate her, but not only do I not hate her, I really, really like her. The reason I should hate her is because I'm programed to hate women like her. Since practically the beginning of her career, she's had this sex-starved nympho persona that carried over into her public image during Sex and the City's heyday. That kind of thing just annoys the devil out of me. I'm not a prude or one of them there catty bitches, I'm just a straight chick. I don't see other women sexually (Usually), so for me to like another woman I need to know they have something more to them than the fact that they really like to screw. Kim just blows my whole mindset out of the water, though. I hate her for making me not hate her. And I hate her for making me like her in Mannequin.

Where are they now?:

Andrew M. and James S. have been covered. Which leaves..

Kim Cattrall is in an animated tv show in the works called 'Producing Parker'.

Estelle Getty retired from acting in 2000 after being misdiagnosed with both Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's. She was later correctly diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia which has characteristics of both diseases. UPDATE: Estelle passed away today at the age of 84. RIP Ma.

G.W. Bailey plays Lt. Provenza on 'The Closer', which is actually not that bad of a show.

Meshach Taylor recently completed one film-'Tranced'-and has another-'Hyenas'-in post-production.

SWITCHER!