Wednesday, August 13, 2008

You Guys Got crabs! That's What They Called Them in My Day. You Young People.

Quick one today because Harper is gone and I want to enjoy the silence (all I ever wanted, all I ever needed):

"The Last American Virgin" from 1982

Starring: Lawrence Monoson, Diane Franklin and Steve Antin.

Genre: Comedy

Plot: Goofy teen sex comedy about a guy who wants to lose his virginity. At least it starts out that way...

So now I come to you, with open aaaaarms: I saw this movie once over 20 years ago. My brother was babysitting me and I conned him into letting me watch this because I felt like if I watched it, I'd be getting away with something-ah to be a kid in the 80s with cable tv. Only time I've seen it, yet it stayed with me because it took a huge turn halfway and the ending was such a bummer. I'm relying on my increasingly decrepit memory here, but I'll try to sum it up. Spoilers? On my blog? It's more likely than you think.

The first hour of the movie is fairly generic teens-trying-to-get-laid stuff. It's a nice nerdy guy and his cool buddies and the coolest of the buddies knocks up his girlfriend. Cool buddy doesn't want a pregnant girlfriend so he dumps her. Nice nerdy guy really likes pregnant girl so he's all supportive and takes care of her after she gets an abortion. He ends up falling head over heels for her and tells her so and it's all so sweet and there's Journey playing in the background. It's lovely.

But then...

Nice nerdy guy buys her a bracelet (I think it was a bracelet, not totally sure). He's going to give her this bracelet at a party and it's going to be wonderful and they'll live happily ever after or some such. No. Nice nerdy guy spots formerly pregnant girl making out with cool buddy at the party. They're back together and he's standing there with a bracelet in his hand like an asshole. The end.

WHAT THE HELL?! That's not funny! I don't think the guy even got laid so as far as I know, he's STILL the last virgin in America.

Holy christ.

Where are they now?:

Who cares? I'm too depressed to look it up.