Sunday, January 21, 2007

Thank You, Captain Tightpants

I have had a seriously craptacular week. It was one of those weeks where the big problems seemed to just get bigger, and the minor pains-in-the-ass were many and varied. Somehow, I managed to make it to saturday night without reaching my breaking point, and don't you know it took something as trivial as the dog relieving itself on my floor to cause me to have a meltdown?

Well, it wasn't a proper meltdown: I just let loose a stream of obscenities, my eyes got all red and ugly, and I do believe I stated to no one in particular, that everyone in my house was an idiot (thankfully everyone was asleep, aside from me and the dumbest dog in creation.) After I composed myself, I removed the offending feces from my rug, and went to take a shower.

While I was in the shower, something happened. I don't know if the water was too hot, I don't know if it was the smell of the soap, or if it was because it was the only moment I've had to myself to contemplate things in the past 2 days, but I just started BAWLING. Every miniscule detail of every single offense of the past week, just came rushing through my brain, and it all hit me pretty hard.

I calmed down, and truth be told, I actually felt much better after my mini-breakdown than I felt all week, and I decided that instead of making a sure-to-be worthless attempt at sleep, I would turn to my old insomnina-fueled habit of watching a crappy movie. I had gotten out of that habit for one reason or another, but since I got Netflix, I've been allowing myself to rent movies that I might not rent otherwise, mainly because if I'm going to pay $4.00 at the video store for a movie, I want it to be good. So, I popped Slither into the DVD player, and prepared myself for some good, old fashioned cinematic cheese...

OK, who went and replaced my shitty movie with a good one?

Yes, I watched a movie called 'Slither', and I just said it was good-that's not the half of it. I haven't told you what it's about yet.

As the small town of Wheelsy is gearing up for their annual Deer Cheer celebration (wherein they celebrate the start of deer hunting season), a meteor falls from the sky, containing...We don't know yet. We're then introduced to our key players: Police chief Bill Pardy (played by Nathan Fillion of Firefly, and who is also one of my 14 husbands), rich guy Grant Grant (nope, not a typo. Grant Grant is played by Michael Rooker of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer fame. He's still creepy as ever) and Grant Grant's lovely wife, Starla, a high school teacher (played by Elizabeth Banks, who's been on Scrubs several times. Speaking of, I finally got into Scrubs, and I don't know how I lived so long without Dr. Cox in my tv viewing life. But that's another post.)

Anyway, after an argument with Starla, Grant Grant ends up in the woods, and a sluggy, wormy critter comes skittering out of the meteor and barrels into Grant Grant's chest. He begins to act and look a bit differently, and then pets and livestock start to disappear, a woman disappears and eventually Grant Grant himself disappears. Pretty soon, you've got townsfolk acting like zombies, and no one can enjoy the start of deer hunting season. It's up to Bill and Starla to find Grant Grant and get to the bottom of things before things get REALLY bad.

At this point, you may be asking "How can ANYTHING you just described to me possibly be considered good, by any stretch of the imagination?" Ah, your question is valid, if a tad on the argumentative side (you people and your sassy mouths.) It's good because it doesn't take itself seriously-it's a comedy, and a good one. I'm not going to lie and say that Slither is some piece of brilliant filmaking-it's not the greatest movie I've ever seen, hell it's not even the best movie I saw last WEEK (that honor falls to Little Miss Sunshine-that was just about perfect), but it's FUNNY and ENTERTAINING.

I'd say a good portion of that has to do with Nathan Fillion. I may have stated before that I love the man, and not ALL of it is due to the fact that I think he's totally hot, and I want to have his illegitimate babies. He's not the best actor in the world, but he's mastered this kind of dry, sardonic persona that works for him, especially in Slither (favorite line: "My easy goin' nature is getting sorely fucking tested".) If he can keep finding roles like Bill Pardy and Mal Reynolds (AKA Captain Tightpants), then I'll keep watching him work, and not just to satisfy my lust, either.

Slither is not high art by any definition-it's a B-grade horror/comedy, but a superior one, and most importantly a FUNNY one, and at that point in time, it was just what I needed.

Now then, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my Firefly DVDs...