Monday, November 13, 2006

Do Not Want

The holidays are closing in on us, and I don't know about you all, but when I think "holidays" I think "Jones Soda and their unholy concoctions that they foist on an unsuspecting public". Admittedly, I make some weird associations when it comes to the holiday season (Thanksgiving in particular makes me think of Midnight Express-for some strange reason, I've watched it every Thanksgiving for the past 4 years. I don't know why, but it's usually on. I also don't know why I feel compelled to watch it, but there ya go).

But back to Jones Soda. I did some research and I found out that they've released their 2006 Holiday Pack. Now, for the most part, Jones has pretty run-of-the-mill flavors, but in November (and to a lesser degree, October, when they come out with odd, but not-AS-revolting-sounding beverages like Candy Corn and Caramel Apple), they let their freak flag fly and they unleash some of the most disgusting flavors imaginable, including, this time around:

* Turkey & Gravy
* Sweet Potato
* Pea
* Dinner Roll
* Antacid

I don't know about you, but my mouth is a-waterin'. Of course, right before I vomit, my salivary glands tend to go into overdrive.

If you managed to choke down one of those tasty treats, and you need to cleanse your palette, you can try their 2006 Dessert Pack, smack full of PIE flavored sodas:

* Apple Pie
* Banana Cream Pie
* Key Lime Pie
* Cherry Pie
* Blueberry Pie

Egads. Generally, I am an avid pie supporter, but I draw the line at liquified crust-that's just wrong.

If, unlike me (and the rest of the sane people of the world), you would actually like to purchase these bottles of watered down evil, you can go Here, to the Jones Soda website. May God have mercy on your soul.