Roundabout Birthday Tribute

Today is BJ Thomas' birthday. I could not POSSIBLY care less. To be honest, I really don't like him at all, but I love the hell out of this scene and this gives me a reason to post it.

"Jungle Jitters"

It's time to play "Spot the Racist Iconography"! This is part of a group of cartoons referred to as the Censored 11. If you can't find anything wrong or offensive about this, please leave my blog now. Thank you.

Random Star Trek Post

I hate the original Star Trek. With a feverish passion. I find it to be sexist crap. Usually, I like crap, but I just can't seem to find a place in my heart for the show (Next Generation is another story: love me some TNG). However, the people associated with Trek are a veritable fount of weird, and as you know, I love odd stuff. It is my air. My essence. My very reason for being, if you will. This first clip, is Leonard Nimoy singing an ode to a Hobbit, backed up by people in sweatshirts and pointy ears.
The second, is William Shatner singing "Rocket Man". I'm sure most everyone has seen it, but it's always worth a second look. Besides, I needed it to justify posting the first one.

PS: I never realized how much Spock looks like DJ from Roseanne. Is it just me? It is? Nevermind.

"The Shinning"

Can't...Stop...Quoting..

"But don't be reading my mind between four and five: that's Willie's time!"

"Hi David, I'm Grandpa!"

"TELEVISION! Teacher, mother, secret lover."

"Uh oh, the lil' fat boy and his family are in trouble!"

"And Terror Is the Proper Word"

Sniff, Swig, Puff

Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson singing about drugs. I have no words.....

Music Purge

You know how annoying it is when you get a song in your head and you can't get rid of it no matter what? Yeah? Try having TWO SONGS playing on an endless, alternating loop in your brain. I have both Echo and the Bunnymen and Husker Du imbeded in my noggin and damned if I know why. I heard a snippet of one and the other just seeped out of my subconscious. Argh..

PS-As you may be able to guess by these 2 choices, I was that kid who always showed up to school on monday morning, bleary eyed, because I was up late sunday night watching 120 Minutes on MTV

Vader Sessions

Let me start off, by saying that I am NOT a Star Wars person. I've seen them all, but I'm not what you would call a fan. Even so, I still found this to be funny as hell. It's a bunch of clips of Darth Vader pulled from the SW films, dubbed with lines from other James Earl Jones movies: "I'd like to increase the black representation of this committee. Gentlemen lets go for a stroll."

Even More MST3k

What, did anyone think I'd forget this? I had to save the best for last. This is another MST3k short, The Truck Farmer. I'm not going to say much else, because I just noticed that You Tube now has Time Chasers and Final Sacrifice (ROWSDOWER!), so I'm probably going to be up all night now. DAMN YOU TUBE! You've stolen my life!

Paris Hilton Death Clip


I found this the other day while searching for House videos. I hate this bitch on a level usually reserved for Nazis and child molesters. To get to the really good part, skip to about 1:06 on the time, that way you won't be subjected to any more of her shitty acting than necessary.

PS- I love that hey had "Whore" as one of the tags for this on You Tube.

Someone should have thought of this years ago:

Organisers of a music festival have had to change their fancy dress circus theme after some ticket holders told them they had a phobia of clowns.
The Bestival, which takes place on 8, 9 and 10 September near Newport, Isle of Wight, had asked festival-goers to turn up in curly wigs and large shoes.
But organisers decided to shelve the idea after a number of ticket holders said they suffered from Coulrophobia.
Revellers are still encouraged to wear fancy dress but to avoid clown outfits.
Organisers have suggested people instead turn up in "bunny ears, a Spam tin outfit, an astronaut's helmet, a witch's hat or just a plain old Buzz Lightyear lycra all-in-one" for the concerts which include performances by the Pet Shop Boys and the Scissor Sisters.
The Bestival, at Robin Hill Country Park, broke the Guinness World Record last year for the biggest fancy dress party when 10,000 people turned up dressed as cowboys and Indians.
Coulrophobia - fear of clowns - can cause panic attacks, shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea and overall feelings of dread.

I think the United Nations or Amnesty International should take note of this, and make it a worldwide law , because no one shoud be subjected to those painted faces of evil.

I was going to post a clip from Stephen King's IT, to really drive the point home, but I would like to sleep again in the next few days. So, I'm settling for yet another MST3k vid, titled "Here Comes the Circus". It's pretty horrifying, but at least you can laugh while you cower.

So, I'm sitting down to enjoy some television late last night, and what do I see coming out of the talking picture box?



I almost wet my pants.

If I was making a list of my favorite bad films, this could very well be #1. Reefer Madness was made in 1936, and started out as a cautionary tale entitled, " Tell Your Children", before it was purchased by exploitation genius Dwain Esper. It was then recut to give it a more naughty tone, and retitled, becoming one of the most famous pieces of film doody in history.
I'm too lazy to go into the plot, so I'm going to copy and paste it from one of the film's many fansites:

Dr Carroll (Josef Forte), a high-school principal, warns a group of parents against the dangers of marijuana. He illustrates his point by telling the story of Bill (Kenneth Craig) and Mary (Dorothy Short), two of his students whose lives were destroyed by the drug. A crime ring operated within their town, which hooked teenagers on marijuana by supplying free reefers at parties given at an apartment owned by Mae (Thelma White) and Jack (Carleton Young).These parties were attended by Ralph (Dave O'Brien), an older student attracted to Mary, and Blanche (Lillian Miles), one of the crime gang who was interested in Bill. One day Mary's younger brother, Jimmy (Warren McCullum), took Bill with him to Mae's apartment, where Blanche quickly hooked him on the drug. Jimmy went driving while high, and hit and killed a pedestrian. Bill began an affair with Blanche. Mary went to Mae's apartment looking for Jimmy, and accepted a reefer from Ralph, who then tried to seduce her. Bill came out of the bedroom, and hallucinated that Mary was stripping for Ralph. He attacked Ralph, and as the two were fighting, Jack tried to break it up by hitting Bill with the butt of his gun. The gun went off, and Mary was killed. Jack made Bill believe he had killed Mary. At Bill's trial, Dr Carroll testified that he knew all of Bill's behaviour was due to his use of marijuana. Jack and Mae kept Ralph at Mae's apartment so he wouldn't tell the police what really happened. Ralph went insane through his drug use and beat Jack to death. The police arrested Ralph, Mae and Blanche. Mae talked, and the criminal gang was rounded up. Blanche explained that Bill was innocent, and he was released. Ralph was put in an asylum. Blanche committed suicide.

Makes sense to me! This movie is SO over the top, so melodramatic, so horribly acted, that you cannot help but love it. The evil, unmarried couple who live in sin and foist the most demonic of weed on unsuspecting children....Sleep in twin beds? How do the BRILLIANT law enforcement officials dispose of the ganja after the big raid? By BURNING it, of course! I'm not a big druggie or anything, but I've taken a toke or 2 in my day (I now officially sound 100 years old), and I have never seen anyone smoke a joint(after joint, after joint) the way the people in this movie do,like this Zeppo Marxesque piano player:


Instead of "Puff, puff, pass" it's just "Puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff", and they smoke so fast too, you'd swear it was laced with speed or something. I've seen this quite a few times, and it still amazes the hell out of me, that before this became the film it is today, that the people making it were serious. I mean, come on, how many of you have known a stoner like Ralph here, aka "Faster, FASTER!"?

Dude's more like a tweaker than a 420 boy.

This was remade a few years ago, as a musical spoof with Steven Weber and Alan Cumming, and it was ok, but you can't improve on perfection. I could go on, but I'm tired and have a sudden urge to go smoke a bowl. Since I'm such a sweetie, I'm providing a link to Google Video, where you can watch the entire film in all it's public domain glory.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6696582420128930236

Watch it, and remember:

I meant to post this yesterday, but I forgot about it. Now, I love Canada and Canadians and mean no offense at all, but this is so damn funny, I couldn't resist.

Enjoy the Canadian Song from the MST3k episode, "The Final Sacrifice".

Last night, I was reading the posts at one of my favorite sites, Four Four, and ran across what is , quite possibly the funniest review I've ever read. Even if you haven't seen Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, I guarantee it will give you at least a chuckle. If all else fails, check out any of Rich's other posts, and if you're a cat person, aquaint yourself with Winston and Rudy, 2 of the funniest, most photogenic cats in the world.

http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2006/06/this_is_not_a_s.html#more

One of my heroes, B-movie God Bruce Campbell is 48 today, so I HAVE to post a lil' clip of him. This is a classic scene from Evil Dead II. If you haven't, I highly recomend you go out and get his autobiography, If Chins Could Kill, to celebrate this momentous occasion. Ok so it's not momentus. Just buy the damn book, ok?

Keeping with my prefered subjects of lists and bad films, I'm posting this link to a *Drumroll* List of bad movies! This list is kind of old, and I have a problem with some of their picks, for a couple of reasons:
Some of the movies on there are not the worst by far. (the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre is an American classic, thankyouverymuch) and I think they included some others for the sheer reason it has become cool not to like certain blockbuster movies.
Some of their choices are just too obvious (Plan 9 has been beaten like a dead horse when it comes to bad film choices, and it seems kind of lazy to add it at this point. I'm not saying it isn't bad, it is GLORIOUSLY awful, but, God people, at least TRY to come up with something different).
There are a slew of lesser- known films out there that are worse than most of what they came up with here (I say "most", not all-Manos: the Hands of Fate got a mention) . They also seem to be biased toward the last 25 years of movies, and neglect some of the straight-up shit that flooded the cinema in the 60s and 70s and earlier decades. Did any of these people ever see I Spit on Your Grave?
I guess the only reason I'm posting it, is because it was the only large list of it's kind I could find.

Hell, maybe I should make my own list.

http://www.thestinkers.com/100stinkers.html

Movie Sign

Yeah, like no one saw this coming. How much do I love Mystery Science Theater 3000? Words cannot describe it. I hadn't watched it in a long time, but SOMEONE *Ahem* got me hooked again. I first discovered this way back in about 1993 on the day we got our big, honkin' satellite dish. My first episode was "The Amazing Colossal Man". My first thought when I saw it, was "WTF IS this?" but by the end, I knew I had to have more.

The premise is simple: a guy (My IDOL, Joel Hodgson, and later, Mike Nelson, also awesome) gets shot into space by his evil bosses as part of an experiment to see how a person handles being subjected to awful movies. He builds 3 robots to keep him company, and 2 of them-Crow and Tom Servo-suffer through the films with him.
How DOES he handle suffering through the likes of Eegah!, Zombie Nightmare and my 2 favorites, Mitchell and Manos: The Hands of Fate? By unleashing a barrage of jokes, quips and pop culture references that will have you pissing your pants in unabashed glee.

Sadly, the show was canceled after 10(11 if you count the 1st season on Minneapolis UHF channel KTMA) seasons, but there are several episodes on DVD. Youtube has a few full episodes (most are cut into 10 part increments) that you can check out. Since I'm SUCH a nice person, I've included a few Google Video links to some of the shorts. Watch them, because I am physically and mentally unable to do this show the justice it deserves.

A film about dating your family. Yes, you read that right.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4897853132574126768&q=mst3k

Body Care and Grooming. "And remember, when you touch yourselves, the saints cry".

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3772377652946713143&q=mst3k


Mr B. Natural. One of the most infamous MST shorts. It features a bizzare, androgynous woman harrassing a small boy.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6076941100462957931&q=mst3k

This is Pepper, aka Steve Mcqueen, so nicknamed for her neverending quest to escape from the yard. Modest, ain't she? Pep is a 2 1/2 yo Beagle mix, and she causes me no end of annoyance and grief. *Sigh* her obscene adorableness (is that a word?) and her unwavering devotion is the only thing that keeps me from selling her to the pharmaceutical company.. I KEED, of course.

I know I'm about 2 years late on this, but on sundays, I like to park my arse in the world's most comfortable chair, and watch the tv. Through the magic of digital cable, I can watch damn near anything, mainly stuff I missed the first time around.

So, today I watched Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. For those that missed it the first time around, Dodgeball centers on Joe(Vince Vaughn, who is growing on me, DAMMIT!), the owner of a down and out gym whose clients are, quite possibly, the biggest dorks I've ever seen-My fave being Steve, the guy that thinks he's a pirate.
Joe's gym is in the process of being bought out by White Goodman(Ben Stiller), a former fig bucker, who has replaced being a huge lard ass, with just being an out and out asshole.

Joe and his band of merry losers decide to enter the as Vegas dodgeball championship to win the prize of $50,000. They enlist as their coach Patches O'Houlihan (Rip Torn, a local hero in my neck of the wood, who had me in laughing fits, and subsequently coughing and crying fits).

Dodgeball is mainly sex and scatological humor, but hell, I like that now and again. God help me, I normally despise Christine Taylor, but I even liked HER in this. 2 things to watch out for: Check out the coach of the German team, and, for the love of GOD, watch it until the credits are over: You won't be dissapointed, Promise.

I haven't quite decided what I'm going to do with this blog. Probably put insane ramblings about things which no one gives a rat's ass about-Hey it's my blog, right? Maybe 'll post reviews of stuff I like, and conversely, stuff I hate, because when you get down to it, that can be alot more fun.

I'll have to think on it for a little bit......