Monday, December 03, 2007

I Believe the Children Are Our Future...And it Scares Me

I was sorting through my computer files this weekend, and I came across a thingamabob that I'd saved with the intention of posting it at some point. What this thingamabob is, is a sampling of questions from Teen Health FX, which for the most part is a fairly straightforward site devoted to answering questions and promoting awareness on a variety of topics related to teenagers, with an emphasis on drug and sex issues.

Here's the deal, though. As has become apparent to anyone with a lick of sense and an internet connection, teenagers are getting dumber by the day and the questions that I've collected from THFX are glaring, painful proof of that. While most of the THFX questions are your run-of-the-mill Seventeen Magazine-style "I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do" or "It burns when I pee-HELP!" queries, the ones I'm posting make me fear for the future of humanity. Or they would if I wasn't so busy laughing my ass off.

Read and enjoy. Then go have a long talk with the nearest young person in your life.

Dear TeenHealthFX,
I think I'm pregnant! I'm only 17 and don't know what to do, I'm not sure because if I am pregnant I have drank and smoke since then would the baby be dead from this?

Dear TeenHealthFX,
Can you get pregnant by doing it up the butt?


Dear TeenHealthFX,
Me and my boyfriend (online) have cyberish phonish sex, I use a pool stick and he masturbates and we imagine its each other, and we talk on the mic while we do it, and he tells me in and out, is this a form of real sex? Am I still a virgin or not? I did pop my cherry when I first did it, also is this in anyway dangerous to my health?


Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 15-year-old girl and have never had sex. I masturbate by putting a teddy bear into me. Is this normal? Can I get pregnant or STD's? Please help me! I will stop if it is dangerous, but it feels so good.


Dear TeenHealthFX,
I have small PAINFULL lumps in my vagina. I have never had sex. The tops of the lumps are black and greenish. WHAT COULD THIS BE??? I am really scared.


Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm a 19-year-old gay male. I've a gay partner and we often indulge into anal sex. My worry is that will my partner get pregnant? Please help me with this

And my personal favorite:

Dear TeenHealthFX,
I wanted to know what it was called if you tried to have sex with a tree?