Saturday, December 20, 2008

You're the Laziest Man on Mars

I'm just not feeling Christmas this year. The economy is in the crapper, ain't got no money, it's like 70 degrees outside and I'm just in an all-around poopy mood. However, I soldier on 'cuz that's how I do what...


Technical difficulties

Well, this was unexpected. About 15 minutes ago, I was informed by my daughter that my dog Pepper, a charming mix of Beagle and Steve McQueen, took an unplanned furlough from the backyard. We went to catch her and I have to say for a dog as tubby as she is, she's REALLY fast. I caught her, told H. to hold her collar while I ducked back under the barbwire fence that surrounds the property I had just trespassed upon aaaand she let her go. She took off, my lungs which have been ravaged by at least a decade of cigarette smoke said, "Fuck that noise" and we turned around and came home, sans our beloved fat little escape artist. So she's still on the lam and I'm Googling prices on Commit Lozenges.

But I started this post with the intent of finishing it and by gum, that's what I'm gonna do.

Where was I? Oh, Christmas. Yeah, it sucks this year, I'm over it, whatevs-doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm still in love with the IDEA of the holidays, even if I'm not expecting much out of them this year. But ask not what the holidays can do for you, ask what you can do for the holidays. Kennedy said that, I believe. He was probably drunk at a Christmas party or something, but I'd bet cash money that he did say it at some point-he was a stitch, that JFK.

You know what else is a stitch (and I'm sure we all see what I did there)? Mystery Science Theater 3000. I was poking around in my blog archives and I noticed that this is my third Christmas with this blog and I've never, ever posted this episode. I don't know why, because I love it like it was my own little child. Pia Zadora is in the featured movie and Joel and the Bots perform a song entitled "Lets Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas". Not to end on a down note, but that song is one of the reasons I'm posting this now. I don't reckon the Swayz' will be around next December, sadly and it just doesn't seem right posting a song like that when the subject...Well, you know.

Enough melancholy. Enjoy "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" and if you don't watch the whole movie, at least stick around for the kicky theme song, "Hooray for Santy Claus". It's a fun tune and sure to diminish any holiday ennui. I should listen to it myself.

AFTER I hunt down that fat little beast.