Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?

Today's movie is:

1986's 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'

Starring: Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sara, Jeffrey Jones, Jennifer Grey, Edie McClurg and Cindy Pickett. Directed by John Hughes.

Genre: Comedy

The whatsit: Smart-alleck boy blows off school (again) and spends the day farting around in Chicago.

Niiiine tiiiimes: This has to be one for the books-John Hughes made a movie and after seeing it at least two dozen times over the years, I still can't find a damn thing wrong with it. Get me mah smellin' salts.

I'm not the only one. I remember going to visit my grandfather when I was eleven or so and one day while we were there, me, my mom and Louise, (my step-grandmother) went to town and rented some movies. I got this and Louise rented Hannah and Her Sisters. If you haven't seen Hannah and Her Sisters, in it Woody Allen's character is convinced he has a brain tumor. Well, see, my grandad actually DID have a brain tumor (which eventually killed him, not to get all morbid) so he didn't much care for Hannah or her sisters or Woody Allen and he wasn't too thrilled with Louise either that night. But the next day, he watched Ferris with me and we laughed our asses off.

Me-1, Louise-0

I didn't get to spend much time with my grandfather since he lived far away, so that's a nice little memory I've been able to carry around. Thanks Ferris. Thanks John Hughes.

As for the actual movie, I loved Cameron, Principal Rooney, the Museum scene, Kristy Swanson's explanation of why Ferris is absent:

"Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."

Edie McClurg's rationale as to why Ferris can get away with murder:

"Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude. "

And just pretty much the whole damn movie. S'good.

Where are they now?:

Matthew Broderick has two movies in post-production and spends a good chunk of his time on Broadway.

Alan Ruck recently completed three movies. He was 29 years old when he played Cameron. I did not know that.

Mia Sara is on the television show "Tinseltown".

Jeffrey Jones...Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. His last film role was in "Who's Your Caddy?" and it doesn't look like he has much else on his plate for the future. Idiot. Such a waste.

Jennifer Grey and her newish nose can currently be seen in 'Redbelt'.

Edie McClurg pops up all the time and has a film in post-production titled 'Holyman Undercover" which co-stars Fred Willard and Clint Howard. Wow.

Cindy Pickett is another one of those "Oh, HER" type-people and appears in various films and tv show guest spots.

Also, this is more for me than anyone else, but Richard Edson, the garage attendant that took Cameron's dad's car for a joyride was the original drummer for Sonic Youth. Some trivia for you to do with as you wish.

You can grab it Here.

Monday, July 28, 2008


I took Harper to Splash Kingdom, a semi-local water park yesterday and I am dead tired. I will be taking a brief vacay from the blog, just for a couple days. I am otherwise fine and actually had a great time yesterday, despite a wardrobe mishap on one of those big-ass slides (not THAT kind of wardrobe mishap) and having my game stifled by my player hater daughter. I love her to death, but DAMN.

I have nothing more to add, so I leave you with a photo I took yesterday of Harper on the glow-in-the-dark mini golf course. I don't care how old I get, I will never not think glow-in-the-dark stuff isn't neat.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Friday, July 25, 2008

Edwina's Insides Were a Rocky Place Where My Seed Could Find No Purchase

Quick one today:

1987's 'Raising Arizona'

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Holly Hunter, Trey Wilson, John Goodman, William Forsythe, Sam McMurray, Frances McDormand and Randall 'Tex' Cobb. Directed by Joel Coen.

Genre: Comedy

The what: Charming white trash couple kidnap a baby to raise as their own.

I LOVE HIM SO-HO MU-UCH: Much the same way Edwina feels about baby Ed, I love this movie sooooo much. In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a long-time Coen brothers nerd, so I'm a little biased. Even if I wasn't, I'd still say that RA is comedy gold and will likely stand the test of time. It's got arseloads of quotable lines (including the post title, which is one of my favorite lines of all time), a fab cast and it's just goofy and fun as hell. It's also got this scene, which I love almost as much as I do my own child:

All told, I give Raising Arizona 5 out of 5 babies.

Where my homies at?:

Nicolas Cage has-in my opinion-rested on his laurels since he won the Academy Award for 'Leaving Las Vegas'. What's the deal with people winning Oscars and piddling their careers away on shitty action movies? National Treasure-wtf was that about? Blech. Anyway, the former Mr. Coppola has eight movies going.

Holly Hunter has one movie in pre-production and stars on the television show 'Saving Grace'.

John Goodman, William Forsythe and Sam McMurray have 13 movies in the works between them. You can probably guess who has the lions share of that total.

Frances McDormand recently finished filming 'Burn After Reading', which looks awesome.

Trey Wilson died of a cerebral hemorrhage in 1989.

Randall 'Tex' Cobb seems to have been M.I.A. for awhile, but will soon appear in an action/comedy that stars Willie Nelson. Allrighty then.

Kidnap buy a copy Here

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


I mentioned this in the post below, but Estelle Getty has made me laugh for over two-thirds of my life. If anyone deserves their own post, it's her.

Goodbye Sophia.

Estelle Getty, who played meddling mother Sophia on "The Golden Girls," died Tuesday morning. She was 84.

Getty, who suffered from advanced dementia, died around 5:30 a.m. Tuesday at her Hollywood Boulevard home, said her son, Carl Gettleman of Santa Monica.

Getty won an Emmy Award in 1988 for her portrayal of the feisty octogenarian. For her role as Sophia, Getty also notched a Golden Globe Award in 1986. She also received an American Comedy Award.

Getty co-starred on "Golden Girls" from 1985-92 and reprised the tart-tongued Sophia on four other TV series: "The Golden Palace," "Nurses," "Empty Nest" and "Blossom." Getty was two months younger than Arthur, but the illusion of her age was maintained through makeup, costume and her deportment...



Today's movie:

1987's 'Mannequin'

Starring: Andrew McCarthy, Kim Cattrall, Estelle Getty, James Spader, G.W. Bailey and Meshach Taylor.

Genre: Comedy

Plot: Creepy window dresser falls in love with...I just can't. Read the title, look at the picture-you can figure it out.

Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim Cattrall: This wasn't what I had planned to post about. Last week, I started a post about 'Poltergeist'. While I was writing it, I decided I wanted to see it again, because it had been awhile. Since I decided to watch it, I figured I'd wait until after I saw it to do the post. Then I ended up not watching it. I had some free time this evening, saw that 'Mannequin' was on cable and DID end up watching THAT. My priorities are all kinds of screwy.

So anyway, 'Mannequin'. I hadn't seen it since I was about twelve years old and at that time, I thought it was funny. Stupid, but funny. After I got a little older, I decided that it was utter crap and I must have been half retarded for thinking anything about it was entertaining. After watching it now I, well, how can I put this delicately so that I don't look like a complete simpleton...

I didn't not NOT hate it.

Unless I fall off the wagon and into a bottle of Vicodin, I will never say that it's a good movie. But maybe it was watching Andrew McCarty make out with an inanimate object that had more life in its eyes than he does. Maybe it was James Spader trying to play for broad laughs. Perhaps it was Meshach Taylor playing one of the biggest gay caricatures in film history. Or it may very well have been a nostalgic fever brought on by seeing a replica of a late 80s department store, complete with crappy clothes and an overabundance of pink neon lights. Whatever it was, I managed to control the urge to lunge for the remote, and when you're talking about a movie like this, that's like high praise.

Before I forget, I have to mention Kim Cattrall. I want to hate Kim Cattrall. I should hate her, but not only do I not hate her, I really, really like her. The reason I should hate her is because I'm programed to hate women like her. Since practically the beginning of her career, she's had this sex-starved nympho persona that carried over into her public image during Sex and the City's heyday. That kind of thing just annoys the devil out of me. I'm not a prude or one of them there catty bitches, I'm just a straight chick. I don't see other women sexually (Usually), so for me to like another woman I need to know they have something more to them than the fact that they really like to screw. Kim just blows my whole mindset out of the water, though. I hate her for making me not hate her. And I hate her for making me like her in Mannequin.

Where are they now?:

Andrew M. and James S. have been covered. Which leaves..

Kim Cattrall is in an animated tv show in the works called 'Producing Parker'.

Estelle Getty retired from acting in 2000 after being misdiagnosed with both Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's. She was later correctly diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia which has characteristics of both diseases. UPDATE: Estelle passed away today at the age of 84. RIP Ma.

G.W. Bailey plays Lt. Provenza on 'The Closer', which is actually not that bad of a show.

Meshach Taylor recently completed one film-'Tranced'-and has another-'Hyenas'-in post-production.


Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Princess is in Another Castle

I had planned to watch a movie this weekend and post about it for my 80s movies dealybobber, but I ended up falling under the thrall of "The Dark Knight" instead. Sooooo. I have no 80s movie to post about today.

I will get to it tomorrow or the next day, so until then, enjoy some weirdness courtesy of the Best of Craigslist.

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

You Sho is Ugly

A little change o' pace today:

1985's 'The Color Purple'

Starring: Whoopi Goldberg, Danny Glover, Oprah Winfrey and Margaret Avery. Directed by Steven Speilberg.

Genre: drama

Plot: "How long is Celie gonna put up with that asshole?"

Sister, sister: I've seen this movie a grand total of one time. About three years ago, I was with a group of women you'd think wouldn't be affected by such a thing and all of 'em, including myself, were bawling like big fat babies by the end. It's a very emotionally strong film, mostly because of Whoopi Goldberg. She's so damn cute you just want to drag her home with you and feed her a pot of stew and cover her up with a big blanket. She's less cute by the time she picks up with Oprah and almost cuts her lousy husband's throat, but you want her to kill him, so that's kinda cute too.

However, the movie would be nothing-NOTHING-without Shug Avery, the juke joint singer who befriends Celie after having an affair with her no-good husband. Again, I've only seen it once, but there's two scenes that stand out vividly in my head, both involving Shug. The first one is a scene where Shug sings a song to Celie in the bar. The look on Celie's face throughout the whole thing is priceless.

The second scene deals with Shug and her father, a preacher who has disowned her. Shug's father is raising the daughter that Shug had out of wedlock, and she's the soloist in the church choir. She and the choir are singing a song in a packed church one afternoon while Shug and her friends are outside having a party not far away and Well.. I started bawling while LISTENING to the YouTube clip. I'm such a baby.

Where are they now?:

Whoopi Goldberg has been reduced to doing battle with that pinch-faced republican woman on "The View".

Danny Glover has five movies in the works. I thought maybe he was "getting too old for this shit" but apparently I was mistaken.

Oprah is, well, Oprah. If you've managed to go this long without knowing what she's up to, I'm sure not gonna be the one to tell you.

Margaret Avery was in "Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns" which I have not seen. I can't abide more than two minutes of Madea. Perhaps I'M getting too old for this shit.

You can get it Here.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


This popped into my head today and I can't get it out, so I'm passing it on to you. Enjoy. Or not. I don't care, I just want it gone.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

That Girl is, Was and Always Will Be Nada

Today's movie:

1986's 'Pretty in Pink'

Starring: Molly Ringwald, Harry Dean Stanton, Jon Cryer, Annie Potts, James Spader and Andrew McCarthy.

Genre: Drama

Plot: Andie, A poor emo girl tries to rise above her station in life by falling in love with a dead-eyed rich boy.

Oh God, not her again: I've seen this movie more times than I'd like to admit, and honestly, I'm not sure why. I liked Duckie, and Annie Potts as Andie's punkish boss, but otherwise I was all "Meh". Part of it is because I've never understood the reasoning behind any of Molly Ringwald's characters. In '16 Candles' she has a decent, if goofy family, is well-off financially and she pouts for the whole film. In the 'Breakfast Club', she's popular, rich and she pouts for the whole film. In 'The Stand', her dad is friggin' Dr. Kelso, she manages to snag Gary Sinise and she pouts for the whole film. (Yes, I know most of the planet, including her dad, died. Doesn't matter-she would have pouted regardless.)

And in Pretty in Pink, she's kinda poor, but she has a goofy, sweet best friend who's crazy about her, she has a job in a cool record store with a great boss, she has a bitchin' car, her dad is friggin' Harry Dean Stanton, and she pouts throughout the whoooooooole film.

I don't think the PIP pouting would bother me so much, but for the fact that she was pouting over Andrew McCarthy. She manages to lock-in on the most souless, flat, zombie-ish man in film history and then mopes because she thinks she's too poor to hang with him and James Spader, who's the SECOND most souless man in film history. What the hell is wrong with this girl? Maybe she's short a little soul herself. Witness her reaction here:

Humorless twat.

Where are they now?:

Jon Cryer is on 'Two and a Half Men', which is inexplicably popular.

Andrew Mccarthy has a horror movie in post-production. Shockingly, it's not a zombie movie.

Annie Potts still pops up on various tv shows and films. I'll always have a soft-spot for her because Mary Jo was the character I most related to on 'Designing Women'. Yes, I watched Designing Women and I LIKED it, too.

James Spader stars in the lead role on 'Boston Legal', which I've never watched.

Harry Dean Stanton will probably still be acting long after we're all dead.

You can buy it Here, or you can do yourself one better and get the Soundtrack instead. It's loads better than the movie.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I Want to Kill Everyone, Satan is Good, Satan is Our Pal

Today's movie:

1989's 'The 'burbs'

Starring: Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Rick Ducommun, Corey Feldman, Wendy Schaal, Henry Gibson, Brother Theodore, Courtney Gains and Gale Gordon.

Genre: Comedy

Plotooey: Uptight yuppie and his loony pals become convinced that their new neighbors are devil-worshiping cannibals. They may be right...

There goes the goddamn 'burbs post: I started this post yesterday, but my heart wasn't in it for some reason. I loved this movie, it still makes me laugh like a hyena (that Bruce Dern is a stitch), but writing about it made me feel not quite sad, but something a few levels below sad, somewhere in the "meh" area. Last night while I was in the shower (where all my epiphanies take place), the source of my 'meh' came to me: I miss Tom Hanks.

I'm fully aware that Tom Hanks is still around. I'm not talking about the Tom Hanks that endorses presidential candidates and gets pelted with award statuettes, I'm talking old school Tom: goofy comedic actor with a borderline afro that won my heart with movies like this, not to mention the television classic, 'Bosom Buddies'.

I'm not saying I don't like the movies he's made in the last several years, I do. All I'm saying is the dude needs to make some more comedies. I know you bring down mad accolades when you execute a 7 ft tall Christ-like black man and attempt to return an ungrateful MAAATTTT DAAAAMON home to his family, but enough is enough. He's got the praise, he's got the awards, he's proved his point-he can act. WE GET IT.

I realize that he was kind of typecast back in the 80s as a lovable goofball and he probably wanted to escape that. The thing is, he did escape it, only to be typecast as Mr. Drama. The last non-animated comedy he was in was 'The Terminal' and that wasn't even funny. I'm not saying he has to make Bachelor Party 2 here, just be funny once in a while. Meryl Streep can pull it off, Robert Deniro can pull it off, and they were both in 'The Deer Hunter' for Pete's sake: someone who cut his teeth on this kind of thing can damn sure pull it off. And it's Tom Hanks, so even if he DID make Bachelor Party 2, people would go see the thing. I wouldn't, but I would go see The 'burbs 2.

But only if it's got Bruce Dern in it, because he was HI-Larious in this.

Where are they now?:

Tom's been pretty well covered (and no one would know where he was if I didn't tell you, of course), as has Corey Feldman on the last post. That leaves...

Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher and Courtney Gains all have films in post production and/or being filmed. Also, for future reference I can now say definitively that Courtney Gains-the ginger fellow-was Malachi in 'The Children of the Corn'. Isaac was the guy with the weird voice. I could never remember which was which and I don't think I'm alone in that.

Wendy Schaal is the voice of Francine Smith on 'American Dad'.

Henry Gibson is still kicking and recently had a recurring role on 'Boston Legal'.

Brother Theodore passed away in 2001.

Gale Gordon left us in 1995. Aww, Mr. Mooney.

I did some fairly extensive poking around, at least five minutes worth, but I'm not quite clear what happened to Rick Ducommun. I'm 95% sure he's still doing stand-up comedy, but I wouldn't swear to it in a court of law.

Fetch it Here. Then shut up and paint your goddamned house.