Thursday, August 31, 2006

A Loss For Words

I haven't posted anything here about my daughter before. I have a variety of reasons for not doing so, mostly having to do with her privacy, which is why I probably won't ever post her photo here. I don't intend to make a habit of this, but something she said recently has been gnawing at me, and I feel this is as good a place as any to air my frustrations.
My daughter-Harper-is 7 years old, and started the 2nd grade a few weeks ago. Just a few weeks into the school year, and she's been tagged as being "weird" and is being picked on. Naturally, she is upset by this. How in hell do I handle it?
I love weirdness, hell, I'M weird. I knew it a long time ago, and accepted it and in most situations, I've learned to use it to my advantage. How do I tell this little girl, who wants nothing more than to be accepted, that she will get through this ok? That some of the greatest minds in history were thought of as weird? Everyone I've asked about this, friends and family alike, have been able to offer nothing more than the usual, "Oh, kids can be so cruel" or "Tell her to just be herself". Well, DUH, but that's not very useful, now, is it?
I'm clueless here. There's the option of telling her to change the way she acts, which goes against everything I believe in, but if it keeps her from being in tears, I will, even though there is nothing wrong with how she acts. Should I tell her to ignore it all, tell her that she doesn't need those little brats as friends? I could, and she will pretty much be cementing her status as an outcast for the rest of her school years. I got nothing here. The only thing this little girl is guilty of, is being able to think outside the box, and she's having to pay for it with her self esteem.

You Be the Judge

I honestly can't say, but then again, maybe I've just forgotten what one looks like:

STOCKHOLM, Sweden, Aug. 30 (UPI) -- Ikea denies speculation that the picture of a dog in the Swedish retailer's new catalogue was doctored to make it appear it had a human penis.
"It really is just a dog with its leg on the couch -- nothing else," Ikea Sweden spokeswoman Eva Stal told The Local newspaper.
Some 175 million copies of the Ikea catalogue have been distributed globally, all with the same photo on the inside cover. The picture has become a hit on the Internet, with a number of Web sites featuring the unusual photo.
Ikea says it hopes people forget about the picture and enjoy the other 300-some pages of products, the newspaper reported.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Pointless Post Alert!

Normally, I wouldn't post photos of men I want to do filthy things to if I had no specific reason, but it's my birthday, as some of you know. I can't go out and celebrate it today, seeing as how it's the middle of the week, so I'm just going to settle for some innocent lusting. There's nothing wrong with that, is there? Oh well, here's to birthday wishes...

"Career Orientated Chick"=Best Phrase Ever

I get the feeling that upon reading this, the entire female populace of England locked themselves inside their homes, never to venture out again. Oh yes I did just hassle the Hoff.

David Hasselhoff is on the prowl for an intelligent English girlfriend.
The former 'Baywatch' actor wants to put his recent divorce from Pamela Bach, his wife of 16 years, behind him and is planning on finding a "career-orientated chick" when he comes to the UK next month.
He said: "I'm coming to England in September and I want to find myself a beautiful girlfriend. But I don't want some dumb blonde. I'd like a woman who is really intelligent.
"I saw this girl recently who must have stepped out of the office during her lunch break and was wearing work clothes and glasses, and I thought to myself, 'That's what I want, a chick who is career-orientated.'"
Hasselhoff's previous trips to Britain have not been entirely successful.
In July, the star was banned from boarding a plane after turning up intoxicated to London's Heathrow airport for a flight to Los Angeles.
The actor continued to knock drinks in the British Airways first class lounge before staff decided he was "unfit" to travel.
In June, he had to have emergency surgery after he severed a tendon in his hand in a bizarre shaving accident at a London hotel.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Did the Insurance Cover it?

I really need to send this to my sister. She is ALWAYS letting her rat terrier stand in her lap and prop her paws up on the steering wheel. It's quite a sight, seeing this gigantic SUV, appearing to be driven by this teeny little dog.

BEIJING - A woman in Hohhot, the capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region, crashed her car while giving her dog a driving lesson, the official Xinhua News Agency said Monday.
No injuries were reported although both vehicles were slightly damaged, it said.
The woman, identified only be her surname, Li, said her dog "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive," according to Xinhua.
"She thought she would let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake," the report said. "They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car."
Xinhua did not say what kind of dog or vehicles were involved but Li paid for repairs.

Monday, August 28, 2006

"Movie Dicks"

If there's anything I love as much as a list, it's a mindless pop-culture poll. Of course, if I was naming my own most hated film assholes, it would probably be a toss-up between Biff Tannen in the Back to the Future series and Frank Burns in the film version of MASH. Now that I think about it, I could list characters I hate all day and never run out of names. True, Billy Zabka WAS a massive jerk in the Karate Kid, just not one I would probably would have come up with. BTW: Whatever happened to Billy Zabka? Is Billy Zabka still working? Is it possible for me to get tired of saying the name "Zabka"? I really don't think so..

KARATE KID bully BILLY ZABKA has topped a poll of 'movie dicks' in a new GQ magazine survey. The champion wrestler played blond JOHNNY LAWRENCE in the cult 1984 martial arts movie, and has beaten out WEDDING CRASHERS' jock ZACHARY LODGE and NATIONAL LAMPOON'S ANIMAL HOUSE character GREG MARMALADE to top the GQ poll. The top five movie dicks are: 1. BILLY ZABKA as JOHNNY LAWRENCE in THE KARATE KID 2. BRADLEY COOPER as ZACHARY LODGE in WEDDING CRASHERS 3. JAMES DAUGHTON as GREG MARMALADE in NATIONAL LAMPOON'S ANIMAL HOUSE 4. ERIQ LA SALLE as DARRYL JENKS in COMING TO AMERICA 5. ROBERT PRESCOTT as COLE WHITTIER in BACHELOR PARTY.

Even More Zero 7

I realize that I just recently posted a Zero 7 video. I realize that I seem to be obsessed. You don't have to tell me. Really, you don't. This isn't my favorite song of theirs, but it IS one of the most prettyful videos I've ever seen. Besides, I'm in the middle of a mental debate about a possible post, and I just wanted to get SOMETHING up. You should be thankful I'm posting anything at all, not judging me. You should be ashamed, all of you.

Scary Study of the Week

I will admit straight off the bat, that I don't 'get' the whole MySpace 'thing' (MySpace culture, maybe? Sure, that'll work). I signed up for one once so I could see a friends photos, but I promptly forgot about it and I've never added anything to my little page thingamajigger. However, taking into account my MySpace ignorance (Read: ambivalence), my common sense still dictates that, perhaps, just PERHAPS, if this kind of thing is THAT much of an issue, then there seems to be a much bigger problem at work than just MySpace:

Tampa, Florida - Researchers at The University of South Florida want to study whether popular web sites like MySpace that have memorials and farewells to dead members prompt them to commit suicide.
Doctor Ilene Berson and a USF faculty team are seeking funding to study whether social networking web sites create a suicide contagion effect.
The popularity of MySpace has given rise to The site archives profiles of deceased MySpace members.
Berson says adults get concerned when a young person who kills themselves is highlighted in a newspaper or web site because they worry other kids will hear about it and relate with that young person, especially if everyone is saying all these wonderful things.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

The Cardigans-"War"

For reasons known only to her, my daughter listened to this song over and over this morning. Now it's stuck in my head.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

My Secret Shame

I love U2. There, I said it. I don't know why I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I am. Perhaps it's because they've kind of, well, sucked, in the last few years. But still, I hold a special place in my heart for Bono, The Edge, Larry and Adam. I suppose I always will, mainly because I still, to this day, think War is one of the greatest albums I've ever heard, and question the auditory integrity of anyone who disagrees. I can forgive them for selling out to I-pod and I can tolerate Bono's bordering-on-the-absurd social conciousness. Please don't think any less of me just because I adore my Irish boys. Thank you.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Kevin ♥

I have quirky taste in men. I have for a long time. As a teen, when I told my friends who my current crush was, it would ellicit a chorus of "Ew!"s and "You're weird!"s. When they would talk about whoever it was that got them worked up, I would sit and smugly smile, comforted in the knowledge that I was deeper and too complex to fall under the thrall of the cookie-cutter boy dujour. Admittedly, I sometimes still think that, but as I've gotten older I've realized that "You're weird" was (and is) probably a pretty accurate assessment of me.
After a recent conversation, a decade-old crush has been re-ignited (I had no idea I was so suggestible). I don't know what it is about Kevin Spacey. The man just does something to me. Partly, it's his voice: it makes me NUTS. Or, it could be the fact that he plays such a great villain: to me, there's just something sexy about evil (on screen at least. In reality, I try to avoid it like the plague). I don't even care about the rumors. Hell, it's not like I'm ever going to meet him and be let down because I don't possess the right equipment.
At any rate, I can pinpoint the EXACT moment when I fell for him. It falls at the 4:28 mark in this clip. If you haven't ever seen the Usual Suspects, I suggest 2 things. 1st, don't watch the clip, obviously. 2nd, get up from your desk, get in your car and go to the video store and rent it. RIGHT NOW. I don't care if you're at work. Do it!

(PS-I'm aware of the fact that there's a picture of him not 3 posts down. That post wasn't technically about him, so it doesn't count. It's my blog and I'll do what I want. So there.)

Zero 7

I've been feeling kind of icky lately, so I haven't really felt like posting anything that would take alot of effort. I'm feeling a little bit better today, so I may post something after this. If not, you can still enjoy this lovely video, a favorite of mine.

Monday, August 21, 2006

This Word You Use, Independent, I Don't Think it Means What You Think it Means

A list! YAY! Ahem. Excuse me.
The Internet Movie Database has a list of the top 50 independent films of all time, as voted on by their users. Now, I'm not feeling too good this morning, so I'm not going to get into what I think defines an indie movie and what doesn't. I will say that the inclusion of some of these films did raise my eyebrow (yes, just the one). HOWEVER, the film snob in me audibly scoffed upon seeing one of the films further down on the list. Guess which one it is.

The top 10:

1.Pulp Fiction(1994)
2.One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest(1975)
3.The Usual Suspects(1995)
4.Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb(1964)
5.Psycho (1960)
6.Memento (2000)
7.The Silence of the Lambs(1991)
8.Apocalypse Now (1979)
9.Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind(2004)
10.To Kill a Mockingbird(1962)

The rest:

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Double Your Pleasure

I can think of absolutely NOTHING to add to this. I really can't. And no picture, because I can't find one that EXISTS. Really. I Googled "diphallus" and all that came up was a picture of a CAT?

An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said on Saturday.
The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.
"Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying.
The surgery was expected to be challenging as both organs were well-formed and full blood supply to the retained penis had to be ensured to allow it to function normally, he added.
The newspaper did not disclose the identity of the man or the hospital to protect the patient's privacy.
There are about 100 such reported cases of diphallus around the world and it is known to occur among one in 5.5 million men, the newspaper said.
It is caused by the failure of the mesodermal bands in the embryo to fuse properly. The mesodermal bands are one of three primary layers of the embryo from which several body parts are formed.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Sneaker Pimps

I am damned and DETERMINED to post this song. It's not on You Tube so I'm going to try this doohickey out. I have NO IDEA if it's going to work, so if it doesn't, don't mock me: I'm delicate, you know.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Morphine-Cure for Pain (Live)

You know, tsk, if I had wanted to slog through 1,000 Mighty Morpin' Power Rangers videos, I wouldn't have put the "E" on the end. I'm just sayin'....

Is There Still Enough Time for Kilgore Trout to Co-Author My Memoirs?

Kurt Vonnegut says the end is near. It's Kurt Vonnegut, so I'm inclined to believe him:

"I'm Jeremiah, and I'm not talking about God being mad at us," novelist Kurt Vonnegut says with a straight face, gazing out the parlor windows of his Manhattan brownstone. "I'm talking about us killing the planet as a life-support system with gasoline. What's going to happen is, very soon, we're going to run out of petroleum, and everything depends on petroleum. And there go the school buses. There go the fire engines. The food trucks will come to a halt. This is the end of the world. We've become far too dependent on hydrocarbons, and it's going to suddenly dry up. You talk about the gluttonous Roaring Twenties. That was nothing. We're crazy, going crazy, about petroleum. It's a drug like crack cocaine. Of course, the lunatic fringe of Christianity is welcoming the end of the world as the rapture. So I'm Jeremiah. It's going to have to stop. I'm sorry."

Sunday, August 13, 2006

My Saturday With Cannibals and Tooth Fairies

Why did I watch it again?

I HATED Red Dragon the first time I saw it. I thought it was garbage and I felt actual embarrassment for Anthony Hopkins for letting himself be involved with it. I noticed it happened to be on last night, so I watched it again. I don't know why. I guess I wanted to TRY and give it another chance. You see, I'm almost finished reading Red Dragon for about the eleventieth time and saturday afternoon, I watched Manhunter again:

I LOVED Manhunter. It's up there in my top 10 favorite films: the acting, the dialogue, the directing. Perfection. Considering how I feel about Manhunter, I suppose it's unfair to compare it with Red Dragon. Even before RD came out, I automatically viewed it as being nothing more than a pathetic remake of a far superior film and that nothing about it could possibly live up to the original version.

2 things I learned from my mother: Life is not fair, and "I told you so" is an acceptable response in some instances.

Instead of rehashing the entire movie, I'll just compare the three lead performances in both films. Again, I'm being unfair, but who am I to question my mother's wisdom?

William Petersen and Edward Norton as Will Graham:

I have made no secret of my love for Petersen. I think he's hot. He's also a highly underated actor and he's at his best in Manhunter. He's got this quiet, tortured thing going on that fits his character. Plus, you know, he's all hot and stuff. (I said that already? Oh. Well, it's true.)

Edward Norton on the other hand, caused me physical pain just watching him. It was like watching a 12 year old try and play a grown-up. The same lines that sounded so dag-blamed cool coming out of Petersen's mouth 20 years ago, made me laugh out loud coming out of Norton's. I'm not kidding. When he said,"You took your gloves off, didn't you, you sonofabitch?!", I swear to God, iced tea came out of my nose. Have you ever had that happen? It burns something awful. I should sue him.

Round 1 winner: Manhunter.

Tom Noonan and Ralph Fiennes as Francis Dollarhyde (The Tooth Fairy):

Tom Noonan freaks me the hell out. If you've never seen him, he's this big, tall guy, with white hair and he speaks in kind of a monotone and he ALWAYS seems to play these creepy guys. I'm sure he's a perfectly nice man, but if I ever saw him on the street, I'd probably kick him in the knee and run away, screaming. Which means that he's done his job.

Ralph, Ralph, Ralph. If I saw HIM on the street, I'd probably get arrested for trying to climb on top of him. He's just TOO pretty to pull this role off. Dollarhyde is supposed to be disfigured. Specifically, he was born with a harelip, and his teeth are all fucked up. Actually, from the various descriptions of him in the book, you get the overall impression that he's the ugliest man who ever lived, and the only woman he can get (the only LIVE woman, that is) is blind. They picked Ralph FRIGGING Fiennes to play him?! Sorry, slapping a scar on his mouth doesn't diminish his looks enough to make me NOT want to bite his tattooed heiney.

Winner Round 2: Manhunter

Brian Cox and Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter:

I ADORED Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. In RD, I just wanted to shake him and tell him to stop it, for the love of God, STOP IT! It was almost like his performance was done as a joke or something. I don't blame him though. I blame Brett Ratner. He's a piece of shit director and he managed to get the hammiest performance possible out of one of the world's greatest living actors. I hope he's proud of himself. He should be stripped, flayed and staked to an anthill.

I saw Manhunter BEFORE I saw SotL. I loved SotL. I really, really did, but (the following statement has gotten me some funny looks over the years) I prefer Brian Cox as Lecter over Hopkins. Maybe it's because I had his take on Lecter etched in my brain first, but it's something else as well. After watching both Sotl and Manhunter in the same week, (I'm not going to judge Hopkins' Lecter using RD alone. I'm not a monster) I think I've figured out why.

Cox is in Manhunter for approximately 10 minutes. He's calm; bored, even. You only hear a few vague, but telling, references to Lecter's crimes. He doesn't kill anyone onscreen. Because of that, you have to piece together just WHAT exactly he's supposedly done, in your own mind. Anything he could have possibly done is NOTHING compared to what I can come up with in my warped noggin, at least, nothing they could put on film. Because of that, the Lecter in Manhunter comes off as far more sinister and mysterious because of what you DON'T see and he gets to retain his dignity, because he doesn't have to get his hands dirty by actually killing anyone. Make sense?

Round 3 winner: Manhunter.

I think I've made it clear that I didn't like Red Dragon, but that's not to say it didn't have it's good moments. Granted, I can only think of 2-Emily Watson and Phillip Seymour Hoffman (although Hoffman loses a few points for that scene of him in his underwear. Jesus, that was just cruel.) but 2 good portrayals of minor characters are not a compelling enough reason to sit through a two and a half hour piece of crapola. Actually, since I've watched it twice, that's 5 HOURS of my life that they've stolen from me. Bastards.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Val, Wha Happa?

I've always had kind of a love/hate thing when it comes to Val Kilmer. On the one hand, he's a notorious asshole and has dreadful taste in women (Do a Google image search of him and Paris Hilton-come on, I DARE you.) On the other hand, he's done some great work (The Salton Sea, Tombstone and I've always had a soft spot for Real Genius) and he WAS nice to look at.

Guess which way the love/hate scale is tipping now?

Monday, August 07, 2006

Roundabout Birthday Tribute

Today is BJ Thomas' birthday. I could not POSSIBLY care less. To be honest, I really don't like him at all, but I love the hell out of this scene and this gives me a reason to post it.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

"Jungle Jitters"

It's time to play "Spot the Racist Iconography"! This is part of a group of cartoons referred to as the Censored 11. If you can't find anything wrong or offensive about this, please leave my blog now. Thank you.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Random Star Trek Post

I hate the original Star Trek. With a feverish passion. I find it to be sexist crap. Usually, I like crap, but I just can't seem to find a place in my heart for the show (Next Generation is another story: love me some TNG). However, the people associated with Trek are a veritable fount of weird, and as you know, I love odd stuff. It is my air. My essence. My very reason for being, if you will. This first clip, is Leonard Nimoy singing an ode to a Hobbit, backed up by people in sweatshirts and pointy ears.
The second, is William Shatner singing "Rocket Man". I'm sure most everyone has seen it, but it's always worth a second look. Besides, I needed it to justify posting the first one.

PS: I never realized how much Spock looks like DJ from Roseanne. Is it just me? It is? Nevermind.